Over the last couple of weeks, I found myself interacting with a couple of 'not close, but old friends', and engaging in extremely long conversations with them. The more 'Reclusive Me' of today, actually doesn't do this too often, for a few years now, simply because I don't seem to 'Connect' with people anymore, in the way that I used to. Yes, I meet a few friends occasionally, at events and just here and there; but those meetings generally don't involve 'heart to heart' chats, and are more mundane interactions, about 'everything and nothing in particular', if at all.
I guess, the reason why I actually took the time to 'Sit and Talk' to someone, was the kind of similar 'Experience of Loss' that we've had in life. That's probably why, I found myself really 'Talking', way more than I do with anyone, these days.
It's strange how much you can find to talk about, when you go through the same day to day difficulties, challenges and situations. I guess, long chats like those, are helpful and eye-opening to people on both sides of the conversation. Not only do they help to release the stress and strain of pent-up and bottled up feelings and emotions, that you haven't talked about often; because other people in your life, even close friends and family, just don't understand. It's difficult for people 'to feel what you feel', even if they mean well and have your best interests at heart.
Most normal people, are always on this 'stupid quest', to 'pull you out' of what they think is 'Depression', or just being 'Caught up in the Past', or not 'Letting Go'. I absolutely detest friends and family, when they make suggestions like these; because 'I'm never going to Let Go'. My Memories are everything to me and without them, I have nothing. So instead, I automatically and very happily 'Let Go' of anyone, who ever tells me to do that...But that's one of the reasons why, interactions with friends and family, who supposedly know me well or for longer, always reach a dead-end, very quickly.
Over the last few years, I've realised that talking to a person who has 'experienced what you have' and gone through themselves, is always a better idea, than talking to 'just about any friend or loved one'; because they really 'Get It'. They 'Know' the feelings, they 'Understand' the pain, they 'Live it Everyday', just like you.
Chats like these are filled with a lot of emotion, memories, tears and are 'too heavy' for ordinary people to handle; simply because they are 'So Real' and not frivolous and meaningless, like most 'one minute interactions' on social media these days. It takes a 'Special kind of Courage' to go through certain things, and not everyone can 'Understand or Comprehend that Journey'.
I'm 'Grateful' for these very unexpected opportunities, to be able to spend some time both 'Talking and Listening' to Friends, who are kind of, 'sailing in the same boat' as me, in a lot of ways. Sharings like these, help us realise that we are 'Not Alone' in our everyday struggles, and there are lots of other people around us, who go through exactly the same things. In some way, there is more 'Comfort' in talking to people like these, even though they are not your 'Closest Friends or Family'; than it is, talking to people that you should 'at least technically', be more comfortable talking to, because they are closer to you.
The biggest take away for me, from these very 'heartfelt conversations', is the countless 'Life Lessons' we all picked up along the way. One of the things that I have discovered over the years, is that 'Each person finds their own ways to cope with loss; and no two coping strategies are right or wrong'. The most important lesson though, is something that I have been pondering on, for a couple of years now. 'No Expectation, No Disappointment!'
Most of the time, we feel unhappy about situations because we expect things to happen in a particular way, and they don't. But, that's just the way life is. It never goes the way we want it to. We often get upset at people, especially the ones who are close to us, because we expect them to act and behave in a certain way, and when they don't, it disturbs us terribly. It distorts the way in which we look at friends and family; when people's responses are not in line with, our desires and our expectations of them.
The root cause of our disappointments, are not so much their actions and behaviour; but what we expected them to say or how we expected them to act. But people are not puppets and we cannot always expect them to do and say things, according to what we have in mind. I have realised, that the simplest way to overcome the unhappiness caused, when we are disappointed in people, is not to expect too much of anyone. It's not the easiest thing for our very emotional, human minds and hearts to do. But I guess, it does relieve a lot of the stress, when we make an attempt to look at life in that slightly 'Disconnected' way. ✨️✍️
