It's a normal day. I wake up and go to school, like every other day. I enjoy teaching all morning. I spend the day talking to and spending time with my boys at school.
The first part of the day, passes by really quickly. I jabber all day long with my boys and my colleagues, to my hearts content. We discuss every possible thing there is to talk about, and the day just breezes past, in the twinkling of an eye.
I've realised that right through the morning, I am truly and genuinely happy. I am happy to be me. I am happy to work in the place that I do. I am happy to be able to share so much of my life, with everyone in school.😊
Before too long though, it's time to come home, and contrary to what everyone else thinks of 'Home' as, I would much rather spend the whole day at school, rather than coming home.
Before too long though, it's time to come home, and contrary to what everyone else thinks of 'Home' as, I would much rather spend the whole day at school, rather than coming home.
That's simply because 'Home' for me, equals solitude and peace; which I often feel I can do without. Home is a place, where I get a chance to spend time with myself, (which anyone else would long for, more than anything else).
Strangely, I would much rather prefer, spending time in the company of my boys at school, rather than lying around at home by myself, reflecting and contemplating.
'Home', somehow doesn't make me as happy as it should. In fact, I find that my feelings go in a completely different direction, as the day progresses, and comes to an end. I become quieter and more reticent. I withdraw into myself and the bubbly 'me', that the whole world is used to, gradually disappears. I somehow seem to become a more grumpy person, when I'm at home; and the trademark smile, that brings joy to so many all day long, slowly goes into hiding.😔
It's often said, 'Home is where the heart is'. For me though, I guess things are the other way around. My 'School' is where my heart finds rest and peace and solitude; and the thought of home, fills me with a tremendous sense of isolation.
It's often said, 'Home is where the heart is'. For me though, I guess things are the other way around. My 'School' is where my heart finds rest and peace and solitude; and the thought of home, fills me with a tremendous sense of isolation.
It's strange but true. Home doesn't fill me, with as much joy as it should. It is not the best place to come back to, at the end of the day.
Of course, this is not because my home is not a happy place. My parents are always there to talk to, and the T.V. and the computer are my constant companions, for the rest of the day. I also resort to that tiny little gadget called a cell phone, when I need to rid myself, of the lack of conversation.
However, 'Home' somehow fills me with a lingering sense of 'Loneliness'. In those moments that I spend by myself, I keep feeling a sense of 'complete emptiness and utter dejection'. The second half of my day is a complete contrast to the first; as my world transforms itself, from a noisy chaos, to an absolute calmness.
I know it's often said, that if you keep yourself occupied, you'll never have time to be lonely. If you're always doing something with your time, you won't have any free time to worry about being all alone.
I know it's often said, that if you keep yourself occupied, you'll never have time to be lonely. If you're always doing something with your time, you won't have any free time to worry about being all alone.
According to me though, even if you're constantly occupied, there are always going to be some moments, when you are by yourself, with nothing to do. Even those few moments are enough to make you realize that this isn't the way life should be.
I often discuss the issue of the need for parents to have at least 2 kids, with my colleagues at work. At most times, I find myself the 'sole spokesperson' for this cause. Most people don't think it's really a necessity to have 2 kids these days. Most of them feel that 'friends', can make up for the lack of a sibling in one's life.
I often discuss the issue of the need for parents to have at least 2 kids, with my colleagues at work. At most times, I find myself the 'sole spokesperson' for this cause. Most people don't think it's really a necessity to have 2 kids these days. Most of them feel that 'friends', can make up for the lack of a sibling in one's life.
From my own experience, of living practically 20 years of my life, without a sibling; I know for a fact, that friends or even your extended family, cannot make up for 'your own brother or sister'.
Over the years, I've been blest with an innumerable amount of friends, many of whom are very special and dear to me. I have an extended family, that loves me tremendously. In the last 6 years, I've also been blest with a new family - my boys and colleagues at school, who make up 'My Entire World' at the moment.
...And yet, despite all that, I feel the way I do, when I'm by myself.
The reason for that is simple - Friends, Family, Colleagues, Students are all a very important part of my life and my world; but at the end of the day, 'I CAN'T TAKE THEM HOME WITH ME'. When the day draws to a close, I have to leave them all behind, and withdraw into that lonely space we all call 'Home'.😢
I wonder sometimes, am I Ungrateful? After being blest with so many dear friends, loving students and people in my life, who love me so much; am I wrong, to keep harping on the one thing that I don't have, time and again? Is it right, to keep wallowing in these feelings so often?
I wonder sometimes, am I Ungrateful? After being blest with so many dear friends, loving students and people in my life, who love me so much; am I wrong, to keep harping on the one thing that I don't have, time and again? Is it right, to keep wallowing in these feelings so often?
There are so many, who aren't as blest as I am in so many ways...
Maybe I am wrong or maybe, I'm just 'Human'. In my human need for society, I just can't help longing for 'Companionship'.
I guess, it's this tremendous fear of loneliness, and the inability to live all alone for very long, that makes 'solitary confinement' such a powerful weapon, in the hands of law keepers, to help bring the very serious offenders to book. Being alone, truly is the worst way for a person to live his life.
I only hope and pray that God helps me find a way to deal with my moments of loneliness, so that 'Home', will be a happier place to come back to, in future.✨️✍️
