I WANDERED LONELY AS A CLOUD..................
It's a normal day. I wake up and go to school like every other day. I enjoy teaching all morning. I spend the day talking to and spending time with my boys at schoool. The first part of the day passes by really quickly. I jabber all day long with my boys and my colleagues, to my hearts content. We discuss every possible thing there is to talk about, and the day just breezes past in the twinkling of an eye. I've realised that right through the morning, I am truly and genuinely happy. I am happy to be me. I am happy to work in the place that I do. I am happy to be able to share so much of my life with everyone in school..........
Before too long though, it's time to come home, and contrary to what everyone else thinks of home as, I would much rather spend the whole day at school, rather than coming home. That's simply because home for me equals solitude and peace, which I often feel I can do without. Home is a place where I get a chance to spend time with myself, which anyone else would long for more than anything else. Strangely, I would much rather prefer spending time in the company of my boys at school, rather than lying around at home by myself, reflecting and contemplating. 'Home', somehow doesn't make me as happy as it should. In fact, I find that my feelings go in a completely different direction as the day progresses and comes to an end. I become quieter and more reticent. I withdraw into myself and the bubbly 'me' that the whole world is used to, gradually disappears. I somehow seem to become a more grumpy person when I'm at home and the trademark smile, that brings joy to so many all day long, slowly goes into hiding.
It's often said, Home is where the heart is. For me though, I guess things are the other way around. My school is where my heart finds rest and peace and solitude, and the thought of home fills me with a tremendous sense of isolation. It's strange but true. Home doesn't fill me with as much joy as it should. It is not the best place to come back to, at the end of the day. Of course, this is not because my home is not a happy place. My parents are always there to talk to, and the T.V. and the computer are my constant companions for the rest of the day. I also resort to that tiny little gadget called a cell phone, when I need to rid myself of the lack of conversation. However, 'home' somehow fills me with a lingering sense of loneliness. In those moments that I spend by myself, I keep feeling a sense of complete emptiness and utter dejection. The second half of my day is a complete contrast to the first, as my world transforms itself from a noisy chaos to an absolute calmness.
I know it's often said that if you keep yourself occupied, you'll never have time to be lonely. If you're always doing something with your time, you won't have any free time to worry about being all alone. According to me though, even if you're constantly occupied, there are always going to be some moments when you are by yourself with nothing to do. Even those few moments are enough to make you realize that this isn't the way life should be.
I often discuss the issue of the need for parents to have at least 2 kids, with my colleagues at work. At most times, I find myself the sole spokesperson for this cause. Most people don't think it's really a necessity to have 2 kids these days. Most of them feel that 'friends' can make up for the lack of a sibling in one's life. From my own experience, of living practically 20 years of my life without a sibling, I know for a fact that friends or even your extended family cannot make up for your own brother or sister. Over the years, I've been blest with an innumerable amount of friends, many of whom are very special and dear to me. I have an extended family who loves me tremendously. In the last 6 years, I've also been blest with a new family - my boys and colleagues at school, who make up my entire world at the moment..........And yet, despite all that, I feel the way I do, when I'm by myself. The reason for that is simple - friends, family, colleagues, students are all a very important part of my life and my world, but at the end of the day, 'I CAN'T TAKE THEM HOME WITH ME'. When the day draws to a close, I have to leave them all behind and withdraw into that lonely space we all call 'home'.
I wonder sometimes, am I ungrateful? After being blest with so many dear friends, loving students and people in my life who love me so much, am I wrong to keep harping on the one thing that I don't have, time and again? Is it right to keep wallowing in these feelings so often? There are so many who aren't as blest as I am in so many ways.............Maybe I am wrong or maybe, I'm just human. In my human need for society, I just can't help longing for companionship. I guess, it's this tremendous fear of loneliness and the inability to live all alone for very long, that makes 'solitary confinement' such a powerful weapon in the hands of law keepers, to help bring the very serious offenders to book. Being alone truly is the worst way for a person to live his life. I only hope and pray that God helps me find a way to deal with my moments of loneliness, so that 'home' will be a happier place to come back to in future.
Sunday, December 06, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
DIWALI BREAK
Diwali holidays for a teacher brings with it the dreaded load of corrections. Bundles of papers that just never seem to end. Reading the same answers over and over again. Handwriting that occasionally drives one up the wall with irritation; and sometimes answers that defy logic completely. So basically, ever
since I've been a teacher, diwali holidays haven't really been the best time to chill out and take a break.
Of course, the light at the end of this dark, never-ending tunnel though, are the school tours that I make it a point to go for every year during this time. No doubt, going on these tours takes away a few precious days from the time I would have been able to utilize in finishing my corrections. However, by cutting down on my sleep and completely stressing myself out, I somehow try my best to balance the two, simply because the joy these tours bring to me makes it truly worth the effort.
So, am almost a week into my 3 week Diwali break. My corrections are far from over. I'm trying my level best to make the optimum use of the time I have left to finish the corrections and do justice to every paper I have to access, at the same time. During this week, I've also been on my first tour for the year. I accompanied 75 of my X std boys and about 9 of my colleagues from work to the 'susegaad' and laid-back land of the scorching sun, GOA, for about 3-4 days. Right through this trip though, I found myself experiencing a tremendous sense of deja vu at every step of the way. The reason for this was that I'd gone on the same tour, stayed at the same hotel and visited the same spots just a year ago, with the previous batch of students. So, almost every experience seemed like a repetition of the previous year. I kept seeing flashes of moments from last years trip everywhere I went. The jokes, the faces of the students from the previous batch, the unforgettable memories, kept popping into my head from time to time. I had had such an amazing time the previous year, that just a day into the trip I began to wonder whether this trip would be able to match up to it at all.
Thankfully, I've been blest with a personality that enables me to have fun in whatever situation I'm in. So, despite the uncertainty in my mind about how this trip would turn out, I actually ended up having loads and loads of fun. Breaking the ice with the boys took a little longer this time. I guess the reason for this was the fact that I hadn't taught these boys for about two years before this. So, our interaction over the past couple of years had been limited and during this year, had been largely restricted to the classroom, which isn't very informal. Of course, while on a trip, I make it a point to have fun, no matter what; and I guess that's exactly what I did.
What I enjoyed most about this trip was the fact that we teachers got a chance to interact with the boys in a way that is a little difficult at school. When at school, stricter rules have to be followed and discipline has to be maintained to ensure the smooth functioning of the institution. On a tour like this, the rules can be relaxed to a certain extent and the interaction can become a little more informal than it is in school. I thoroughly enjoyed all the fun moments singing, joking and laughing together. The secrets that were let out of the bag during this trip caused the boys a lot of grief, cause things that were only between them and their friends had now become common knowledge and their school teachers had also become aware of them. Of course, they need not fear cause once we get back from a trip, our lips are sealed. On the contrary though, I think these admissions and confessions only gave us an opportunity to see our boys in a completely different light. We got to see a side of them that we didn't really expect.
Having taught this particular batch of boys from Classes 5-7, I'd always thought of them as little kids. When I joined the school way back in 2004, they were just chintus in the V Std. Somehow,I didn't get a chance to teach them in Classes 8 and 9 and so, now in Class 10, there suddenly seemed to be a gap, not just in our interaction with one another but also in my perception of them. The same boys that I'd only perceived as little kids had now grown up and there seemed to be two whole years of their growing up that I had missed along the way, thereby making it difficult for me to understand how much they'd grown and changed over the past couple of years. This batch also has a lot of students that I'm teaching for the very first time this year, again a reason for almost no interaction beyond the classroom in the last 5 years.
I guess, this lack of interaction though actually ended up being a blessing in disguise. What I really enjoyed about this trip was discovering so much more about my boys. I was introduced to them, their lives, their mischief, their thoughts, their dreams, their world, and these are all things that it is very difficult to discover within the four walls of the classroom. I'm very g
rateful to God for giving me this opportunity to go on a trip like this once again because it's moments like these that make me happy to be a teacher. Moments that I can spend in the company of my boys. Moments when we can share a laugh together. Moments when we actually get a chance to become a part of one another's lives, to a very small extent. I thank God for blessing me with special moments like these every once in a while. My boys will pass out of school within the next few months but it is the memories of these special moments that I will savour and cherish forever, and I hope and pray that they will remember us and these moments for a long time as well. Thanks to all the boys who accompanied us on this trip for making it a memorable one.
Diwali holidays for a teacher brings with it the dreaded load of corrections. Bundles of papers that just never seem to end. Reading the same answers over and over again. Handwriting that occasionally drives one up the wall with irritation; and sometimes answers that defy logic completely. So basically, ever
since I've been a teacher, diwali holidays haven't really been the best time to chill out and take a break.Of course, the light at the end of this dark, never-ending tunnel though, are the school tours that I make it a point to go for every year during this time. No doubt, going on these tours takes away a few precious days from the time I would have been able to utilize in finishing my corrections. However, by cutting down on my sleep and completely stressing myself out, I somehow try my best to balance the two, simply because the joy these tours bring to me makes it truly worth the effort.
So, am almost a week into my 3 week Diwali break. My corrections are far from over. I'm trying my level best to make the optimum use of the time I have left to finish the corrections and do justice to every paper I have to access, at the same time. During this week, I've also been on my first tour for the year. I accompanied 75 of my X std boys and about 9 of my colleagues from work to the 'susegaad' and laid-back land of the scorching sun, GOA, for about 3-4 days. Right through this trip though, I found myself experiencing a tremendous sense of deja vu at every step of the way. The reason for this was that I'd gone on the same tour, stayed at the same hotel and visited the same spots just a year ago, with the previous batch of students. So, almost every experience seemed like a repetition of the previous year. I kept seeing flashes of moments from last years trip everywhere I went. The jokes, the faces of the students from the previous batch, the unforgettable memories, kept popping into my head from time to time. I had had such an amazing time the previous year, that just a day into the trip I began to wonder whether this trip would be able to match up to it at all.
Thankfully, I've been blest with a personality that enables me to have fun in whatever situation I'm in. So, despite the uncertainty in my mind about how this trip would turn out, I actually ended up having loads and loads of fun. Breaking the ice with the boys took a little longer this time. I guess the reason for this was the fact that I hadn't taught these boys for about two years before this. So, our interaction over the past couple of years had been limited and during this year, had been largely restricted to the classroom, which isn't very informal. Of course, while on a trip, I make it a point to have fun, no matter what; and I guess that's exactly what I did.
What I enjoyed most about this trip was the fact that we teachers got a chance to interact with the boys in a way that is a little difficult at school. When at school, stricter rules have to be followed and discipline has to be maintained to ensure the smooth functioning of the institution. On a tour like this, the rules can be relaxed to a certain extent and the interaction can become a little more informal than it is in school. I thoroughly enjoyed all the fun moments singing, joking and laughing together. The secrets that were let out of the bag during this trip caused the boys a lot of grief, cause things that were only between them and their friends had now become common knowledge and their school teachers had also become aware of them. Of course, they need not fear cause once we get back from a trip, our lips are sealed. On the contrary though, I think these admissions and confessions only gave us an opportunity to see our boys in a completely different light. We got to see a side of them that we didn't really expect.
Having taught this particular batch of boys from Classes 5-7, I'd always thought of them as little kids. When I joined the school way back in 2004, they were just chintus in the V Std. Somehow,I didn't get a chance to teach them in Classes 8 and 9 and so, now in Class 10, there suddenly seemed to be a gap, not just in our interaction with one another but also in my perception of them. The same boys that I'd only perceived as little kids had now grown up and there seemed to be two whole years of their growing up that I had missed along the way, thereby making it difficult for me to understand how much they'd grown and changed over the past couple of years. This batch also has a lot of students that I'm teaching for the very first time this year, again a reason for almost no interaction beyond the classroom in the last 5 years.
I guess, this lack of interaction though actually ended up being a blessing in disguise. What I really enjoyed about this trip was discovering so much more about my boys. I was introduced to them, their lives, their mischief, their thoughts, their dreams, their world, and these are all things that it is very difficult to discover within the four walls of the classroom. I'm very g
rateful to God for giving me this opportunity to go on a trip like this once again because it's moments like these that make me happy to be a teacher. Moments that I can spend in the company of my boys. Moments when we can share a laugh together. Moments when we actually get a chance to become a part of one another's lives, to a very small extent. I thank God for blessing me with special moments like these every once in a while. My boys will pass out of school within the next few months but it is the memories of these special moments that I will savour and cherish forever, and I hope and pray that they will remember us and these moments for a long time as well. Thanks to all the boys who accompanied us on this trip for making it a memorable one.Saturday, September 05, 2009
MAKING A DIFFERENCE JUST BY BEING ME
This is the 6th time I'm celebrating 'TEACHERS DAY', ever since I started teaching. It's one of the most anticipated days in the life of any teacher, primarily because it is the one day in the entire academic year, when we get a chance to actually experience an outpouring of love from all our students, through the various aspects of the celebration in school. The flowers, the gifts and the innumerable little cards, many of which are lovingly handmade or painstakingly picked out by our students. The stage performances that our students put up just for us, and all the numerous ways in which they try to demonstrate their love for us, are enough to make us feel on top of the world. Year after year, the students try their level best to show us how much we mean to them, and every year, their efforts really make our day.
This year too, brought with it the usual secretive preparations. The students in my own class were simply amazing and the lovely personalised messages written by every single student made me feel like I was on Cloud Nine. The celebrations that followed in school were also quite entertaining. The appreciation I received from the X Std. boys by way of awards, was slightly overwhelming, because I just couldn't imagine that I had, had such a strong impact on all of them. There are times when accepting an award in front of your more experienced colleagues can prove to be a little embarrassing, and I did experience a little of that embarrassment, as I went up to receive those certificates. Of course, it only made me want to strive to work that much harder, to live up to the faith and confidence my boys had shown in me. I'm grateful to every single one of them for making me feel so extra special. I'd like to thank them for the tremendous love they shower on me. It's that love which makes me grateful to have been chosen to be a teacher, every single day of my life.
Despite the wonderful celebrations we had in school this year though, I found myself feeling a little low right through the day. I kept asking myself why I wasn't feeling like my usual chirpy self. There was definitely something that seemed to be missing. During the course of the day, I realised that the reason I was feeling so low was because I was missing my older students a lot this Teacher's Day. My mind kept going back to all the Teachers Day celebrations of the past years and the faces of students from the past years kept flashing before my eyes. While I appreciate the efforts of the present students, I just couldn't help remembering the ex-students who've now branched out into so many different fields and are doing well wherever they are. I really missed them and wondered whether they were thinking of us too. There was a sense of longing for the days of old and a wish that I could see those special students once more.
I guess God has ways of answering our prayers when he knows we're wishing for something really hard, and before long my inboxes in my phone and on the internet were inundated with sms's and messages from so many, many ex-students, that it absolutely made me feel on top of the world. Every single message was heartfelt. Some of these messages came from students who'd passed out 3-4 years ago and so the fact that they still thought of me today, made me feel really special. A number of messages talked about the impact I'd had on their lives and these almost brought tears to my eyes. Compared to many of my senior colleagues, I'm still a fledgling teacher, but just to think that in this short time as a teacher, I had been able to touch so many lives, made me so glad that I've chosen to be a teacher. I don't consider myself to be exceptionally gifted and I don't even think of myself as being better than my other colleagues. What I have been blest with though, is the ability to make a difference, simply by being me, and that is what I'm grateful for.
I can't end this post without saying a big Thank You to all my students, both past and present. It's because of you that I am what I am today. You've helped me become the best teacher that I can be. Of course, to the Heavenly Father above, who is my guide at every step of the way in life, Thank you for giving me an opportunity to mould and form so many young lives. Help me to fondly cherish every student you place in my care, and to always work as hard as I can to fulfill the plan, that you have for me in my life as a teacher. Looking forward to all the years of touching young lives ahead.
This is the 6th time I'm celebrating 'TEACHERS DAY', ever since I started teaching. It's one of the most anticipated days in the life of any teacher, primarily because it is the one day in the entire academic year, when we get a chance to actually experience an outpouring of love from all our students, through the various aspects of the celebration in school. The flowers, the gifts and the innumerable little cards, many of which are lovingly handmade or painstakingly picked out by our students. The stage performances that our students put up just for us, and all the numerous ways in which they try to demonstrate their love for us, are enough to make us feel on top of the world. Year after year, the students try their level best to show us how much we mean to them, and every year, their efforts really make our day.
This year too, brought with it the usual secretive preparations. The students in my own class were simply amazing and the lovely personalised messages written by every single student made me feel like I was on Cloud Nine. The celebrations that followed in school were also quite entertaining. The appreciation I received from the X Std. boys by way of awards, was slightly overwhelming, because I just couldn't imagine that I had, had such a strong impact on all of them. There are times when accepting an award in front of your more experienced colleagues can prove to be a little embarrassing, and I did experience a little of that embarrassment, as I went up to receive those certificates. Of course, it only made me want to strive to work that much harder, to live up to the faith and confidence my boys had shown in me. I'm grateful to every single one of them for making me feel so extra special. I'd like to thank them for the tremendous love they shower on me. It's that love which makes me grateful to have been chosen to be a teacher, every single day of my life.
Despite the wonderful celebrations we had in school this year though, I found myself feeling a little low right through the day. I kept asking myself why I wasn't feeling like my usual chirpy self. There was definitely something that seemed to be missing. During the course of the day, I realised that the reason I was feeling so low was because I was missing my older students a lot this Teacher's Day. My mind kept going back to all the Teachers Day celebrations of the past years and the faces of students from the past years kept flashing before my eyes. While I appreciate the efforts of the present students, I just couldn't help remembering the ex-students who've now branched out into so many different fields and are doing well wherever they are. I really missed them and wondered whether they were thinking of us too. There was a sense of longing for the days of old and a wish that I could see those special students once more.
I guess God has ways of answering our prayers when he knows we're wishing for something really hard, and before long my inboxes in my phone and on the internet were inundated with sms's and messages from so many, many ex-students, that it absolutely made me feel on top of the world. Every single message was heartfelt. Some of these messages came from students who'd passed out 3-4 years ago and so the fact that they still thought of me today, made me feel really special. A number of messages talked about the impact I'd had on their lives and these almost brought tears to my eyes. Compared to many of my senior colleagues, I'm still a fledgling teacher, but just to think that in this short time as a teacher, I had been able to touch so many lives, made me so glad that I've chosen to be a teacher. I don't consider myself to be exceptionally gifted and I don't even think of myself as being better than my other colleagues. What I have been blest with though, is the ability to make a difference, simply by being me, and that is what I'm grateful for.
I can't end this post without saying a big Thank You to all my students, both past and present. It's because of you that I am what I am today. You've helped me become the best teacher that I can be. Of course, to the Heavenly Father above, who is my guide at every step of the way in life, Thank you for giving me an opportunity to mould and form so many young lives. Help me to fondly cherish every student you place in my care, and to always work as hard as I can to fulfill the plan, that you have for me in my life as a teacher. Looking forward to all the years of touching young lives ahead.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
THE WEEK THAT WAS
Last week was seven days full of absolute paranoia and chaos. Media-generated mass hysteria over the flu that was spreading its deadly tentacles over the world at large, made a city full of sane people, panic. A couple of days ago, a journalist in the TOI very rightly described the situation as being 'AN INFORMATION PANDEMIC', because the information being given out by the media caused more damage than the sickness itself. They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. The events of this previous week were proof of that very saying. Supposed preventive steps were taken by political parties, institutions, the government and the common man at large, as a result of the information being dished out to us by sensation hungry journalists.
Thankfully, a week later, after every educational institution in the city has lost out on an entire week (in my personal opinion, unnecessarily), and children and college students all over the city have enjoyed an unexpected mid-term break (which is only going to make life more difficult for them in the months ahead), things seem to be gradually returning to normalcy. The flu is still going about doing its business, but hopefully, in the weeks and months ahead, better sense will prevail and the frenzy which caused the surge in human knee-jerk reactions, will gradually ebb.
To a person who has suffered or lost a family member to this fatal virus, my point of view may seem inhuman and slightly heartless. Only a person who actually undergoes such a situation, can understand how painful and stressful things can really be. However, I'm only trying to be a little objective in a situation where an entire city full of sensible people, seemed to have completely lost their sense of objectivity and basic common sense, as a result of what they were bombarded with, by many sections of the media.
My bone of contention really is not so much with the common man's reaction to the situation. I was really peeved with the media for the manner in which this situation was completely blown out of proportion, by almost every single one of them. Of course, many news channels did try to present a sensible approach by bringing in doctors to give the right kind of advice to people and answer the queries of the common man. However, the way in which the 'BREAKING NEWS' runner kept flashing the number of deaths on those very same channels (in about the same way as they count votes during their election coverage or flash the scores of a cricket match), didn't really do much to allay people's fears.
There was a time during my college days, when I was very seriously contemplating being a journalist. It was one of the two 'Career Choices' that I had in mind for myself. Today, when I see how the irresponsibility of the media can have such far-reaching consequences, I'm glad I opted not to be one. With the steady increase of news channels, the competitive spirit and wanting to be the first to give an 'EXCLUSIVE' report, seems to have tossed responsible journalism into oblivion. This isn't the first time the media is being accused of this. Over time, it seems to be becoming a habit; and the effects of this habit seem to be adversely affecting the common man, which obviously includes the families of the media-persons themselves.
I don't know if this post will be read by too many journalists but if some of them do happen to chance upon my thoughts, I hope it will at least lead them to think about how every word they telecast on their channels or that gets into newsprint, is often accepted as the 'Gospel Truth' by a large section of the public; and so they should, in good conscience, think about what they say and how they present the facts, before they let the words leave their mouths or their pens.
Last week was seven days full of absolute paranoia and chaos. Media-generated mass hysteria over the flu that was spreading its deadly tentacles over the world at large, made a city full of sane people, panic. A couple of days ago, a journalist in the TOI very rightly described the situation as being 'AN INFORMATION PANDEMIC', because the information being given out by the media caused more damage than the sickness itself. They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. The events of this previous week were proof of that very saying. Supposed preventive steps were taken by political parties, institutions, the government and the common man at large, as a result of the information being dished out to us by sensation hungry journalists.
Thankfully, a week later, after every educational institution in the city has lost out on an entire week (in my personal opinion, unnecessarily), and children and college students all over the city have enjoyed an unexpected mid-term break (which is only going to make life more difficult for them in the months ahead), things seem to be gradually returning to normalcy. The flu is still going about doing its business, but hopefully, in the weeks and months ahead, better sense will prevail and the frenzy which caused the surge in human knee-jerk reactions, will gradually ebb.
To a person who has suffered or lost a family member to this fatal virus, my point of view may seem inhuman and slightly heartless. Only a person who actually undergoes such a situation, can understand how painful and stressful things can really be. However, I'm only trying to be a little objective in a situation where an entire city full of sensible people, seemed to have completely lost their sense of objectivity and basic common sense, as a result of what they were bombarded with, by many sections of the media.
My bone of contention really is not so much with the common man's reaction to the situation. I was really peeved with the media for the manner in which this situation was completely blown out of proportion, by almost every single one of them. Of course, many news channels did try to present a sensible approach by bringing in doctors to give the right kind of advice to people and answer the queries of the common man. However, the way in which the 'BREAKING NEWS' runner kept flashing the number of deaths on those very same channels (in about the same way as they count votes during their election coverage or flash the scores of a cricket match), didn't really do much to allay people's fears.
There was a time during my college days, when I was very seriously contemplating being a journalist. It was one of the two 'Career Choices' that I had in mind for myself. Today, when I see how the irresponsibility of the media can have such far-reaching consequences, I'm glad I opted not to be one. With the steady increase of news channels, the competitive spirit and wanting to be the first to give an 'EXCLUSIVE' report, seems to have tossed responsible journalism into oblivion. This isn't the first time the media is being accused of this. Over time, it seems to be becoming a habit; and the effects of this habit seem to be adversely affecting the common man, which obviously includes the families of the media-persons themselves.
I don't know if this post will be read by too many journalists but if some of them do happen to chance upon my thoughts, I hope it will at least lead them to think about how every word they telecast on their channels or that gets into newsprint, is often accepted as the 'Gospel Truth' by a large section of the public; and so they should, in good conscience, think about what they say and how they present the facts, before they let the words leave their mouths or their pens.
Friday, July 03, 2009
TO ERR IS HUMAN..................TO FORGIVE, DIVINE!!!
Life presents us with a lot of different situations, and in the week just gone by, I underwent one such harrowing experience. On the face of it, it might seem like a normal situation that could arise at any workplace from time to time. However, only the one who has to go through it, actually understands the depth of emotion that accompanies every such situation.
An honest mistake or what could be termed as an oversight on my part, snowballed into a situation where a few not so nice accusations were levelled against me. Doubts regarding my intentions and loyalty were raised in the minds of all concerned. An unnecessary rift was created among my co-workers and a lot of things that could have been avoided were said in the process.
The situation caused me immense pain and an incredible amount of uncalled for stress. I literally cried my heart out for 2-3 days. For a few days, I didn't want to have even a chance encounter or conversation with the persons concerned, because I didn't want to re-live all the emotional stress I'd been going through. In short, for the first time in 5 years, I faced a situation where things were totally out of hand at work. In the midst of this, I sorely missed the presence of the head of the institution, who happens to be out of the country at the moment, because I just felt that I could've turned to him for counsel if he was around.
I've never been a person to make a mountain of a molehill. So, under normal circumstances I would have probably let it go completely. However, when my entire system of beliefs was questioned, I needed to take a stand. I do not know if the decision I have taken will prove to be injurious to my own well-being in the long run. I do not know if it will forever sour relationships with those that I hold in high regard. But one thing I do know, is that there are some times in life when we have to do what we think is right, even if the world tells us to do otherwise.
This experience though has shown me how even the most upsetting situation can sometimes teach you something valuable. It has also reinforced something that I've been taught right from the time I was a little kid. So many times, when I've gone to church, I've heard Gospel readings and sermons about 'forgiveness'. As a Sunday School teacher myself for so many years, I have also taught others about this all important value of not carrying grudges against people.
All this while, this was merely theory. Now, life had presented me with a situation where I had a chance to put these pearls of wisdom into practice. However, doing what I firmly believe in and wanting to give someone a second chance, was not in line with what some of my colleagues and superiors expected of me. The result, was conflicting points of view, and the creation of two separate camps, each seeing things according to how they perceived the situation.
My decision to follow my heart and the path of forgiveness taught to me by my faith, may prove to be the wrong one in the future. Giving someone a second chance and hoping for the best may eventually land me in a soup. However, not making this decision would mean that I am being prejudiced and continuing to hold a grudge against someone for an extended period of time. In the long run, this would only prove to be detrimental to my own health and sanity.
The mistake I made was completely unintentional but I guess there are no real accidents in our life. Probably God let it happen on purpose, for a reason...........While I follow the path taught by Jesus himself, for a while, I may lose the warmth of friendship of a few that I hold dear. However, I can only pray for them that they may be able to see what their own past experiences are preventing them from seeing. The basic fact is that to err is only human, but to forgive is divine. I definitely don't claim to be a saint, and given another situation, I might do completely the opposite; but in this case, I'm happy to have chosen the path I'm on and I can only pray that love and forgiveness may conquer all.
Life presents us with a lot of different situations, and in the week just gone by, I underwent one such harrowing experience. On the face of it, it might seem like a normal situation that could arise at any workplace from time to time. However, only the one who has to go through it, actually understands the depth of emotion that accompanies every such situation.
An honest mistake or what could be termed as an oversight on my part, snowballed into a situation where a few not so nice accusations were levelled against me. Doubts regarding my intentions and loyalty were raised in the minds of all concerned. An unnecessary rift was created among my co-workers and a lot of things that could have been avoided were said in the process.
The situation caused me immense pain and an incredible amount of uncalled for stress. I literally cried my heart out for 2-3 days. For a few days, I didn't want to have even a chance encounter or conversation with the persons concerned, because I didn't want to re-live all the emotional stress I'd been going through. In short, for the first time in 5 years, I faced a situation where things were totally out of hand at work. In the midst of this, I sorely missed the presence of the head of the institution, who happens to be out of the country at the moment, because I just felt that I could've turned to him for counsel if he was around.
I've never been a person to make a mountain of a molehill. So, under normal circumstances I would have probably let it go completely. However, when my entire system of beliefs was questioned, I needed to take a stand. I do not know if the decision I have taken will prove to be injurious to my own well-being in the long run. I do not know if it will forever sour relationships with those that I hold in high regard. But one thing I do know, is that there are some times in life when we have to do what we think is right, even if the world tells us to do otherwise.
This experience though has shown me how even the most upsetting situation can sometimes teach you something valuable. It has also reinforced something that I've been taught right from the time I was a little kid. So many times, when I've gone to church, I've heard Gospel readings and sermons about 'forgiveness'. As a Sunday School teacher myself for so many years, I have also taught others about this all important value of not carrying grudges against people.
All this while, this was merely theory. Now, life had presented me with a situation where I had a chance to put these pearls of wisdom into practice. However, doing what I firmly believe in and wanting to give someone a second chance, was not in line with what some of my colleagues and superiors expected of me. The result, was conflicting points of view, and the creation of two separate camps, each seeing things according to how they perceived the situation.
My decision to follow my heart and the path of forgiveness taught to me by my faith, may prove to be the wrong one in the future. Giving someone a second chance and hoping for the best may eventually land me in a soup. However, not making this decision would mean that I am being prejudiced and continuing to hold a grudge against someone for an extended period of time. In the long run, this would only prove to be detrimental to my own health and sanity.
The mistake I made was completely unintentional but I guess there are no real accidents in our life. Probably God let it happen on purpose, for a reason...........While I follow the path taught by Jesus himself, for a while, I may lose the warmth of friendship of a few that I hold dear. However, I can only pray for them that they may be able to see what their own past experiences are preventing them from seeing. The basic fact is that to err is only human, but to forgive is divine. I definitely don't claim to be a saint, and given another situation, I might do completely the opposite; but in this case, I'm happy to have chosen the path I'm on and I can only pray that love and forgiveness may conquer all.
Sunday, June 07, 2009
ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS............
I usually never have a problem falling asleep. Once I hit the bed, I’m on a trip to dreamland within minutes. Over the past few weeks though, I find myself laying awake in the dark on more than a few occasions. I guess, I’ve had a lot of things on my mind. Most often, I just toss and turn for a while till I force myself to sleep. However, when it’s a full moon night like today, I look out of my window and stare at the moon. Somehow, it seems to be keeping me company, and just looking at it shining down on me, fills me with some strange kind of comfort.
Today was one such night and not being able to sleep, I decided to switch on the computer and update my blog. I hadn’t even sat before the computer for a minute, when it began to rain. My aunt had called up from Goa earlier this evening and told me that it was raining pretty heavily in Goa today. So, earlier this evening, I wondered how long it would be before the rains arrived in Mumbai. I was so glad to hear the rain outside my window. I wanted to shout aloud, “Wake up everyone! It’s raining!!!” Of course, if I did that at midnight, people in my building would think I’ve lost my mind.
So, on this sleepless night, when the moon is shining down in all it’s spendour, despite the dark rain clouds in the sky, I find myself just wondering, how the forces of nature affect us so much. The intense humidity this year has been making everyone so miserable that just the sound of the rain can makes us jump for joy. How anxiously we wait all year round for the monsoon! Of course, it won’t be long before everyone starts grumbling about the muck and the dirt all around during the rains; but still at the onset, it holds the place of a long awaited guest that we welcome with wide and open arms.
As I look up at the moon, I wonder how many others must be looking up at it at this very moment all over the world. What must be going through the minds of all those people looking up at that bright light in the night sky? To some it may be a symbol of loss and longing, to others it may be a reminder of someone they love very dearly, to another it may just be a companion on a dark, lonely night and to someone else, it may just be a friend. We human beings have been blest with the gift of such an amazing imagination that we can attribute almost any feeling or emotion to the most inanimate and distant things.
The rain is something that’s bound to pour down on us year after year around this time cause that’s the order of the cycle of seasons. That’s the way it’s meant to be………And yet today, like a long lost friend, it brought a smile to my face on a dark and restless night.
The moon is but a satellite, and shining down on earth is what it’s been programmed to do on a regular basis. Tonight however, like on many other nights like these, it seemed to be someone I could communicate with. Strange as it may sound it seemed to talk to me like a close companion and a friend.
I usually never have a problem falling asleep. Once I hit the bed, I’m on a trip to dreamland within minutes. Over the past few weeks though, I find myself laying awake in the dark on more than a few occasions. I guess, I’ve had a lot of things on my mind. Most often, I just toss and turn for a while till I force myself to sleep. However, when it’s a full moon night like today, I look out of my window and stare at the moon. Somehow, it seems to be keeping me company, and just looking at it shining down on me, fills me with some strange kind of comfort.
Today was one such night and not being able to sleep, I decided to switch on the computer and update my blog. I hadn’t even sat before the computer for a minute, when it began to rain. My aunt had called up from Goa earlier this evening and told me that it was raining pretty heavily in Goa today. So, earlier this evening, I wondered how long it would be before the rains arrived in Mumbai. I was so glad to hear the rain outside my window. I wanted to shout aloud, “Wake up everyone! It’s raining!!!” Of course, if I did that at midnight, people in my building would think I’ve lost my mind.
So, on this sleepless night, when the moon is shining down in all it’s spendour, despite the dark rain clouds in the sky, I find myself just wondering, how the forces of nature affect us so much. The intense humidity this year has been making everyone so miserable that just the sound of the rain can makes us jump for joy. How anxiously we wait all year round for the monsoon! Of course, it won’t be long before everyone starts grumbling about the muck and the dirt all around during the rains; but still at the onset, it holds the place of a long awaited guest that we welcome with wide and open arms.
As I look up at the moon, I wonder how many others must be looking up at it at this very moment all over the world. What must be going through the minds of all those people looking up at that bright light in the night sky? To some it may be a symbol of loss and longing, to others it may be a reminder of someone they love very dearly, to another it may just be a companion on a dark, lonely night and to someone else, it may just be a friend. We human beings have been blest with the gift of such an amazing imagination that we can attribute almost any feeling or emotion to the most inanimate and distant things.
The rain is something that’s bound to pour down on us year after year around this time cause that’s the order of the cycle of seasons. That’s the way it’s meant to be………And yet today, like a long lost friend, it brought a smile to my face on a dark and restless night.
The moon is but a satellite, and shining down on earth is what it’s been programmed to do on a regular basis. Tonight however, like on many other nights like these, it seemed to be someone I could communicate with. Strange as it may sound it seemed to talk to me like a close companion and a friend.
Friday, May 29, 2009
MY REASON TO SMILE
I’m sure everyone has heard the saying, ‘The grass is always greener on the other side.’ I got a chance to experience that in this past one month. What a month this has been!!! It’s the month of May and it’s an unusually hot and exceptionally humid one this year. The heat is driving everyone up the wall. Thankfully, since I’m on holidays, I don’t really need to venture out into the sun that often, which is really a blessing in some ways. Strangely though, I find myself envying those people who don’t have to stay at home. I even went to school 3-4 times this month with no particular purpose. Just went because I was too bored to sit at home. There was hardly anyone around but I went anyway. I’ve also become exceptionally grumpy this month, probably because I don’t have a lot of people around me to jabber with all day long, which is something I’m really a master at normally. I somehow seem to have lost my chirpy self in this one month in the wilderness of free time. When you have so much of it, you don’t know what to do with it and it kind of weighs down on you.
‘Why are you complaining about holidays and free time’, is what anyone would be tempted to ask. ‘It’s a blessing. At a time when everyone longs for a break, you’re actually getting a really long one and you’re unhappy about it!!! What in the world is wrong with you???’……….These are obvious statements and questions that anyone is bound to ask in response to my grumbling………..So, am I ungrateful for a blessing that I am so privileged to enjoy, year after year??? Am I stupid to be grumpy when anyone else in my place would be rejoicing???
The answer – ‘I’m just human!!!’ One of the first statements in our old community living and later sociology text books used to be, ‘Man is a social animal and he needs to live in society to live a healthy and happy life.’ Over the last five years, my closest community other than my parents, has been the people at my work place. I spend the larger part of my day with my colleagues in school and my boys; and when I come home, I spend the latter half of the day talking about everything that happened in school. So, when I have to stay away from that community for the first part of the day, I find myself at a loss for words in the latter half of the day as well, coz I have nothing to talk about.
My mum pointed out to me a few days ago that I seem to be talking about school after every two sentences. Somehow or the other the conversation we have, always ends up going back to someone or something related to school. It made me realize how closely connected I have become to my family at work. My life practically revolves around my school and everything associated with it; and taken away from that set-up, even for a brief period of one month, I feel handicapped. I feel like a plant plucked out of its natural habitat and forced to thrive elsewhere.
I’m on holidays but despite that, I’m not the best person to be around these days, cause I’m grumpy and seem to be a little cranky as well. When I’m at school, every day is a new day with countless new experiences at every step. Contrary to that, the last month has been largely uneventful and lacking in mirth. There’ve been a few happy moments but there seemed to be something that was hindering that joy from bursting forth. When you don’t have much to do with your time, you begin to spend that time thinking, but I guess too much of thinking can make you lose your mind. I guess that’s what I’ve encountered during this break.
I usually spend my holidays out on a school trip. So, even though technically I’m on holiday, I’m still with my extended family, and so I don’t feel so lost. This year, I spent the entire month at home……..no trip, no holiday, no outings. My only contact with my extended family was the computer and the phone, which did keep me connected to a few colleagues and students but I guess it cannot substantially make up for what I have when school is on.
I did try to catch up on my reading and tried to sort out the mess in my room, which was long overdue, but these are all tasks that one has to do alone; and living a solitary existence is not exactly my idea of a life. I need people around me to bring some noise and laughter into my world. I need voices around me to counter the loneliness within. I need my boys around me to fill my days with smiles. Without them I feel that life itself is a drag.
So, have I got too attached to my family at work?..........Yes, I think I have. I’ve always been a person who doesn’t need a big reason to be happy. Now I realize that I don’t need a reason to be happy because my reason to smile is always around me; and it’s only when I’m forced to be away from them, that I feel incomplete.
I really thank God for my family at school – my principal (who I will miss dearly), my colleagues of course (who’re my closest friends these days), but most of all, my boys (both past and present). All of you together make me the person that I am. YOU COMPLETE ME……… THANK YOU!!!
I’m sure everyone has heard the saying, ‘The grass is always greener on the other side.’ I got a chance to experience that in this past one month. What a month this has been!!! It’s the month of May and it’s an unusually hot and exceptionally humid one this year. The heat is driving everyone up the wall. Thankfully, since I’m on holidays, I don’t really need to venture out into the sun that often, which is really a blessing in some ways. Strangely though, I find myself envying those people who don’t have to stay at home. I even went to school 3-4 times this month with no particular purpose. Just went because I was too bored to sit at home. There was hardly anyone around but I went anyway. I’ve also become exceptionally grumpy this month, probably because I don’t have a lot of people around me to jabber with all day long, which is something I’m really a master at normally. I somehow seem to have lost my chirpy self in this one month in the wilderness of free time. When you have so much of it, you don’t know what to do with it and it kind of weighs down on you.
‘Why are you complaining about holidays and free time’, is what anyone would be tempted to ask. ‘It’s a blessing. At a time when everyone longs for a break, you’re actually getting a really long one and you’re unhappy about it!!! What in the world is wrong with you???’……….These are obvious statements and questions that anyone is bound to ask in response to my grumbling………..So, am I ungrateful for a blessing that I am so privileged to enjoy, year after year??? Am I stupid to be grumpy when anyone else in my place would be rejoicing???
The answer – ‘I’m just human!!!’ One of the first statements in our old community living and later sociology text books used to be, ‘Man is a social animal and he needs to live in society to live a healthy and happy life.’ Over the last five years, my closest community other than my parents, has been the people at my work place. I spend the larger part of my day with my colleagues in school and my boys; and when I come home, I spend the latter half of the day talking about everything that happened in school. So, when I have to stay away from that community for the first part of the day, I find myself at a loss for words in the latter half of the day as well, coz I have nothing to talk about.
My mum pointed out to me a few days ago that I seem to be talking about school after every two sentences. Somehow or the other the conversation we have, always ends up going back to someone or something related to school. It made me realize how closely connected I have become to my family at work. My life practically revolves around my school and everything associated with it; and taken away from that set-up, even for a brief period of one month, I feel handicapped. I feel like a plant plucked out of its natural habitat and forced to thrive elsewhere.
I’m on holidays but despite that, I’m not the best person to be around these days, cause I’m grumpy and seem to be a little cranky as well. When I’m at school, every day is a new day with countless new experiences at every step. Contrary to that, the last month has been largely uneventful and lacking in mirth. There’ve been a few happy moments but there seemed to be something that was hindering that joy from bursting forth. When you don’t have much to do with your time, you begin to spend that time thinking, but I guess too much of thinking can make you lose your mind. I guess that’s what I’ve encountered during this break.
I usually spend my holidays out on a school trip. So, even though technically I’m on holiday, I’m still with my extended family, and so I don’t feel so lost. This year, I spent the entire month at home……..no trip, no holiday, no outings. My only contact with my extended family was the computer and the phone, which did keep me connected to a few colleagues and students but I guess it cannot substantially make up for what I have when school is on.
I did try to catch up on my reading and tried to sort out the mess in my room, which was long overdue, but these are all tasks that one has to do alone; and living a solitary existence is not exactly my idea of a life. I need people around me to bring some noise and laughter into my world. I need voices around me to counter the loneliness within. I need my boys around me to fill my days with smiles. Without them I feel that life itself is a drag.
So, have I got too attached to my family at work?..........Yes, I think I have. I’ve always been a person who doesn’t need a big reason to be happy. Now I realize that I don’t need a reason to be happy because my reason to smile is always around me; and it’s only when I’m forced to be away from them, that I feel incomplete.
I really thank God for my family at school – my principal (who I will miss dearly), my colleagues of course (who’re my closest friends these days), but most of all, my boys (both past and present). All of you together make me the person that I am. YOU COMPLETE ME……… THANK YOU!!!
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