MOST WONDERFUL TIME - FOR WHOM? 😢

 

WHEN A DISTRESSED MIND RAMBLES...✍️

The Christmas Week is the 'worst week of the year' for me every year, for the last 15 years, ever since my Dad passed away on this day, 28th December '2009; and it has only become an even more difficult time, over the last 6 years. I try to keep my mind busy and occupied with 'Joyful Christmas Music' for the most of December; and I succeed to a large extent.🎄🎶

But the moment, Christmas Day draws closer, my very restless mind does a complete U-Turn on me. It just goes completely 'Still' and absolutely 'Numb'. Recurring 'Flashbacks' aplenty, which just go round and round in circles, through my mind, constantly.

- To add to that, those 'Happy Family Pictures', and photographs of elaborate 'Christmas Lunches', that just about everyone posts on Christmas Day, are the most distressing things ever; because all of those things, are just 'Memories' for me now. Things I will never get a chance to do again, with 'My Own Family', ever.😢

- I avoid meeting my extended Family at this time, because I have enough Memories of my own, floating around my head, and I really don't want to be reminded of more, when I talk to them.

But this year, instead of Family, I unexpectedly ended up meeting old Friends, who knew my Parents. Their Questions and Reminiscing, took me back to those days in December '2009, all over again.💔

- I saw a few Christmas sweets in the shop the other day, and I picked up a couple of them, (even though I don't really eat a lot of sweets), just for the sake of some 'Christmas Nostalgia'.

But the moment I came home and opened those containers, just seeing the 'shapes' of the Milk Toffee and Marzipans, made me cry. My Mum used to make enough sweets, to distribute to the entire neighbourhood.

These sweets which I bought, were made out of the same 'mould' that my Mum used to make her sweets in. So just looking at them, transported me back in time, to those times of helping her make these sweets. It's crazy how the tiniest connection like that, brought out a flood of tears.😢

- How do you explain 'Pain' like this to anyone? No one would really understand the 'Magnitude and Intensity' of it.💔

- 'Countdowns' for me now, are counting how many years have gone by, since each loved one has been gone. Counting down from One Birthday or Wedding Anniversary in Heaven, and One Death Anniversary, to another. Grandparents, Parents, a Sibling, Aunts, Uncles and a Cousin too. 

There was a time when I would remember everyone's Birthdays. Now, with all these additional dates, of those who have gone away to remember, I've kind of stopped making the effort, to remember days of those who are still here, except for a few, which are stuck in my memory bank.🤷🏻‍♀️

- This year however, a few of 'My Favourite People' just happened to be around, to sing a few songs for us during this week. I don't know how the dates of both their shows, just magically happened to be during this particular week; but the fact that they did, definitely made me 'Smile'.😊 

Those events may be 'Just Another Show' to them. One among many others, in a long list of December events and parties. For me though, it means so much more. It's not just one of those many, many events. 

Instead, it's a 'Comfort' to know, that those who 'Uplifted' me, during the years when I needed it most, through the songs they sang and the stories they told, are 'Somewhere Close By', at this time of the year. To hear their Voices, singing a few songs again, just like they used to do, is a 'Better Medicine' for an aching heart and disturbed soul, than anything could ever be.❤️‍🩹

So Very Gratefully, to these 'Special Friends Like Family' I say, 'Thank You for the Music'.😊🎶

'You'll Never Know' how it magically works, to calm a very distressed and chaotic mind, during a 'supposedly beautiful' week like this.✨️💖