LIVING IN THE MOMENT ✍️

(I found this old FB post today, written on this day three years ago, on 13th December '2021. I enjoyed reading all the beautiful comments, from friends and family, on this post again.)

'Life-Altering Decisions' are often extremely difficult to make; even when it is something you've been contemplating, for a very, very long time.🤔 

It's tougher when your 'Mind and Heart', are travelling in two completely opposite directions. (I think that's a chronic illness, that I suffer from all the time.)😄

You wonder who you should listen to; or whether you may regret the step you've taken, at some later point. 

You pray for Guidance, that you may not do the wrong thing.

...but more than anything, you wish your 'Best Friend' was still around, to tell you what to do.😔 

Of course, if she was, everything would have been smooth sailing, in the first place, anyway.😢 

Miss You Every Minute of Every Day Mum!🤗✨️❤

(Reading that old post today, made me write this new one, to add to it.)✍️

In May' 2022, I left the only place of work I ever knew, with the heaviest heart ever.😢 

But it was a decision, that I had been pondering over, for almost three years before that; and I only stuck around for those two additional years, because I did not want to leave the Institution (that I considered my 'Second Home' for two decades), in the lurch, during those Lockdown times. 

Only I know though, how much I struggled through, those mind-boggling changes in Technology, and everything else that we Teachers had to learn, at the speed of lightning, when Teaching went online, during those years. I truly went absolutely 'Crazy', in addition to struggling and trying to deal with, the 'Complete Isolation, Social Distancing and Coping with Grief and Loneliness', all at the same time. To say I was 'Absolutely Overwhelmed and Almost Drowning', would be an Understatement.🤦‍♀️

But once, those turbulent times were over, I simply couldn't delay my decision any longer. I guess, those two years, just took my 'Stress Levels' even higher, than it had been, right through my mum's long illness, and after her passing away, just a year before the pandemic.

I seriously needed some much required 'Peace of Mind', and long overdue 'Rest and Relaxation', with time to myself, in which I had absolutely 'Nothing to do, think of or worry about'.

In hindsight, it was the wisest decision I ever made; because so many of the health issues I had, all through my Life as a Teacher (which were actually an 'Occupational Hazard'), have slowly improved now.

I know that I kind of jumped into the swimming pool, without knowing how to swim at all, when I left DB; but I just had to. It was not because I didn't love the School or Teaching anymore, but mainly because, I was just too tired to swim anymore. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Lots of people, who knew how much I loved DB, the Kids and Teaching too, still don't understand why I did it; and it's actually, a very 'irritating repetitive question' from friends and family, that I am often forced to answer.🤦‍♀️

I guess, it was just something that I needed to do, for 'Me'.😊

...and yes, two and a half years later, I'm still not sure where I'm headed. I have lots of ideas, thoughts, plans and dreams in my mind; but my 'Grieving Broken Heart and Tired Soul', still lacks the Motivation, the Will, the Focus or the Desire, to do any of it...When I'm Ready, I eventually will. Just not as yet.😊

But life in general, is more at ease and relaxed now. I do little things that I love everyday, or I don't do anything at all, most of the time. I laze around a lot, without any schedule or deadline to worry about; and I procrastinate, like there's no tomorrow. (My Mum must be rolling in her grave everyday, seeing me like that.)😂

...But sometimes I think, that taking a 'Break From Life and it's Mad Rat-Race', and doing a whole lot of 'Nothing' for a long time, matters so much, to our Emotional, Mental and Physical well-being and health...Not everyone may agree, but it's what works for me.

The Future...Who knows!🤷🏻‍♀️

For many, many years now, I seriously just 'Live in the Moment' and Live my Life, 'One Day at a Time'. So, let's see where this seemingly 'Clueless and Pointless Journey' takes me.😊✍️

LIVING IN THE MOMENT 🎶

- Jason Mraz