...AND THEN, THERE WAS ONE.😢✍️

 

(A FB Memory, written 4 years ago, on this day - 11th September '2020.)

4...3...2...and then there was 1! 

Have said too many Goodbyes, for one lifetime; but the last of the three, on 12th Septemer, 2018, was the hardest one ever.😢

The extremely long struggle we both endured together, kind of prepared me for what was to come; but nothing could ever prepare me for the 'Journey', after that initial battle ended.

Each day in these last two years (and six years now in 2024), has been 'A New Challenge'.

...A rather feeble and unsuccessful attempt, to 'Keep Smiling through the Tears'.🎭

...A constant struggle to try and find my way each day, without my only 'Best Friend' and my 'Guiding Star'.✨️

....Trying to maintain and keep up with the fast pace of life and work, has been the hardest; when everything around me, has just 'Slowed Down' so drastically, in these past two years.

...And then, this 'Lockdown' just came and made it all, a million times worse than what it was.😢

...But you taught me to be 'Strong'. So, I like to believe I am, even when I'm not. 

My efforts to motivate others and share messages and songs of 'Positivity and Hope'; are actually 'my own little Ploy or Coping Strategy', of trying to 'Stay Motivated' myself. I guess when you try and lift someone else's spirits, you do end up feeling good yourself, at least for a while.😊 

People often ask me how I'm doing, and I tell them what they want to hear, even though I dislike that question so much...

"I'm fine!!!"🤔 

What else can you say, when you can't even explain how and why you feel the way you do, to yourself?

(It was quite Comforting to read the responses and comments, on this old FB post, once again today.)

Six whole years without you tomorrow, on the 12th of September, 2024; and 'I Miss You still', every minute of every day. 

There are quite a few things, that I've just given up on, over these years; because I simply couldn't do them anymore. 

There are so many things that I still have to do; but I don't know when I'm ever going to be able to get to them. I just keep putting off, a lot of things, because I still don't feel like getting started.

I've retreated into my own shell (and almost vanished) by choice really, because people, with their 'unnecessary repetitive questions and unwanted suggestions', kind of get to me, every single time.

I continue to (quite aimlessly) float through each day, not really looking beyond 'Today'. 

Six years later, I'm not as much on 'Auto-Pilot', as I was when I wrote that post above, back in 2020; but I have lost interest in doing a lot of things, that I once used to love and enjoy. I just don't feel like it, anymore.

As a Teacher, I used to once multi-task and meet deadlines, like there was no tomorrow. Now, I just can't; and truthfully, I don't really want to do any of that either. 

Life goes on, all around me. I've just stopped walking along with it, for a long time now. At least, not at the same pace, or in the same way, as I once used to.🤷🏻‍♀️ 

The struggle continues...

...And I never stop wishing, you were still right here with me, to walk me through it all, Mama.✨️❤️

People (and the Songs I Love) tell me, that 'It Gets Easier, As Time Goes By.'🎶

Maybe it does...Who knows!✍️

(The pictures are from various places on the Internet.)