STILL WAITING…EVER SO PATIENTLY ✍️

There are so many times, when I think that there’s something or rather 'someone', missing in my life. Of course, the fodder for this thought, comes from the fact that nowadays, every person I meet, has only one question to ask me. “So, when’re you getting married?”🙄 

...And this isn’t restricted just to aunts, uncles and cousins, at family weddings and functions; although I have been asked that question repeatedly, at a few family occasions, that I’ve been to in the recent past.

It’s also one of the topics of conversation, that is repeated almost 3-4 times every day at home; and which I try to avoid now, due to the increasing number of times the subject is broached.

It’s a topic that my colleagues at school, bring up at regular intervals, with increasing frequency these days.

It’s the only topic, my friends seem to be able to talk about, considering that many of us happen to be sailing in the same boat.

And to top it all, my boys in school have joined the bandwagon as well. They’ve even volunteered their services, to run a 'marriage bureau' exclusively for me. In fact, recently on the day of the X Std. farewell, some of them even said, “Miss, please invite us for your wedding.”

So basically, almost everyone I know seems to want me to settle down and get married; and that includes even my 15 and 16 year old boys in school, who are almost half my age.🤦‍♀️

Now, I know that every single person who brings up this topic is doing it because they have my best interest at heart. I also know that every query is well-meant and sincere.

However, my answer to every single one of those people would be another question, “TO WHOM???”🤔

It’s a question that I’ve mulled over, not just for a few days, weeks or months; but it’s a question that has been going through my mind, for a few years now. 

Like every young girl, I have my own hopes and dreams of the 'ideal person' for me. At the same time though, I know that “perfect” and “ideal” are just two very nice words in the dictionary; but that in reality, especially when we’re talking about 'human beings', these words are very hard to live up to. 

I know for a fact, that even I have flaws; and so to even think of finding someone without any, would be very juvenile and silly on my part.

Despite that, I do have a few things, that I always have in mind, when looking for the person, that I would like to spend the rest of my life with. 

Unfortunately, although I am confident that God has created him, I just haven’t been lucky enough to locate him, thus far. Like one of my friends at work puts it, “Only God knows where her 'special someone' is hiding.”😄

Many of my married friends have told me, that marriage is way over-rated; and that life doesn’t really change much, after you tie the knot. It’s just that you go to a different home and start doing a lot of the things, that your parents used to take care of, yourself. 

It does call for a lot more responsibility and lesser time for the fulfillment of your own desires. It does change your life in many ways; and yet, in other ways, life just keeps going on, the way it always was.

Nevertheless, thinking about the issue, often makes me wonder, why our culture attaches so much importance, to the 'Institution of Marriage'. 

No doubt, this question of mine could lead people to think, that this post is now going to be heading in the direction of an 'anti-marriage campaign'. However, that isn’t my intention whatsoever, because I most definitely do intend to get married; and considering the way time is flying, sooner than later actually. 

I just felt like expressing a few of my thoughts, on how the 'Single' young women of today, are just so 'pressurized', by the conventions of culture; and how the need to live up to those 'unwritten rules', of the age by which a girl should be married, adds so much of 'unnecessary stress', to our already stressful existence. It causes the persons concerned, as well as the parents, families and friends, totally uncalled-for worry and anxiety.

I’ve been patient all this time, and will continue to wait patiently, till God brings that 'special someone', that he has made for me, into my life. I just ask for the grace, to be able to recognize him, when he does come along.

...And while I’m waiting, if only society and culture, would give me and others like me, the space and the time, to let life take its course, the way it was supposed to. If only they would let me wait…ever so patiently, how much more comfortable and stress-free, life would be.✍️

GOOD TO SEE YOU 2009 😊

A friend sent me a message today that said the 1st of January is just another day. It is neither a beginning nor an end, because it’s actually just a continuation of things as they were going on; and it will carry on in just the same way, even after today. I thought that message was very thought provoking, since there was so much of truth in it.

So often, we look at the last day of the year as something that is over; and we look forward to the New Year, with so much of anticipation. We bring in the New Year with celebration, fanfare and a grand countdown. Lots of people make resolutions, that they hope to keep at least for a while, if not right thru’ the year. There are so many things, that go along with New Year celebrations - lights, parties, new clothes, and what not.

I was asked these questions a number of times today, by so many different people…So, how did you celebrate the day? Did you do something special to bring in the New Year?🤔

Even as I thought over my answer to those questions, the entire day flashed across my mind in seconds; and it was so easy for me to pick out, what made this day special for me.

I brought in the New Year to the sound of music that I love…The music was made, in the company of friends, who love to sing together - friends, from my choir. We laughed, we joked, we sang to the accompaniment of a piano, we laughed a lot more, we danced, we dug out some really old songs, from extremely old books and sang them together, we added our own harmony and style to the singing, we pulled someone’s legs and then we laughed some more.

It was late, but I wasn’t tired; probably because I was too happy to notice, what time it was. At an unearthly hour, well past midnight; we shared a meal together and chatted some more over the meal. The New Year had begun; and I went to sleep, with a smile on my face.😊

The morning of the New Year, began with me singing God’s praises in Church, with a choir, that was seriously short of its usual quorum, thanks to the late night we’d all had. 

Following that, I spent a nice quiet day at home and sent out wishes, to as many friends as I could. The replies that kept coming in right through the day, was one of the things that made my day. 

During the day, I caught up with my cousins, my students, some ex-students and a few of my colleagues from school over the telephone and in cyberspace.

After a quiet day at home, I was back to singing for a wedding mass in the evening, at which the priest was an old and dear friend, who is always a joy to be around. I spent the evening watching a movie at home with my family and then catching up with a cousin of mine after ages over the telephone.

I also got a chance to test my friend's riding skills, a couple of times in the day, as I took the risk of putting my life in the hands of a bike rider, with a thoroughly confused sense of direction. Despite the underlying sense of fear about my well-being, as I stepped onto his new found love – his bike, I finally got back home in one piece. While I’m grateful for the ride home, I’d also like to add, that if the offer comes my way this often, it might soon become a cost-effective but a not so healthy habit.

And now, it’s just past midnight again. The first day of the New Year has drawn to a close. What was really exciting about the day? Nothing!!! Did I do anything drastically different from other days? Other than a few exceptional things like wishing people for New Year, not really...And yet, at the end of the day, I would say, I had an awesome day. My day was indeed extra-special.

Isn’t it great to know that we don’t need celebrities to grace the occasion, for it to be special? We don’t need loud music and fire-crackers, to brighten up our day. We don’t even need a five-course meal to celebrate...All we need to make moments of our life special is to spend time in the company of those we love, doing the things we love. That’s all there is to it.💕

I agree that the New Year isn’t really a new beginning or the end of something grand. For me, it’s just the continuation, of times spent in the company of people who matter to me. It’s one more chance to enjoy a song, a chat, a conversation, a message from an old friend, a joke, a laugh, an everyday incident, a friend’s company, a meal, a memory.

...and as each new day of 2009 unfolds before me, I thank God for every day of my life that has gone by before this. I thank him for all the moments that’ve made my life special thus far; and more importantly, I’d like to thank him for all those experiences that are still to come, in the future. ✍️

PEACE AND HARMONY - THE NEED OF THE HOUR ✍️

It didn’t take them long to destroy and tear down,
It didn’t take them long to turn every smile into a frown.
Within minutes, over hundred years of history, was consumed by the flame,
The failure of the system, caused the country so much shame.

The trauma was severe, the loss caused immense pain,
So many of the efforts to save lives, proved to be in vain.
At the end of the experience, the underlying feeling was fear
In almost every heart there was sadness, in every eye a tear.

The event is now over, the city is now calm,
But it’s time for us all to come together, to keep our home from further harm.
Peace and Tranquility, how much for you we long!!!
It’s only when we live in harmony, that we can wipe off every wrong. ✍️

MOMENTS THAT MATTER ✍️

An early morning trek with a small group of ten, in the chilly hills of Mussoorie...

Laughing our hearts out, at some spur of the moment rib-tickling jokes…

Two hours of non-stop singing of old Hindi film songs, on a long bus ride…

Listening to the childish banter, of a very intelligent 3 year old…

Spending valuable moments in the company of colleagues…

Turning the tables on my boys, and playing some pranks on them for once…

Whiling away the hours, in the cool climes of Uttaranchal…

Having a cup of hot sweet corn soup, to combat the freezing temperature…

Driving through the lush forests of Corbett and not sighting a single animal…😔

Preparing a hilarious mock Jungle Safari for the boys, to make up for the disappointment…

A spine chilling yet entertaining night walk with colleagues and new found friends, in Nainital…

The fantabulous setting of Wild Crest, Corbett…

Giving the beggars in the train a run for their money with our new-found begging skills…

Enjoying the company of our unforgettable, enthusiastic, friendly and fun-loving tour operators, Jayesh and Majid (urf Himesh Uncle)…😄

The fantastic super-fast train ride home in the Garibh Rath 3-tier AC train…

The inevitable parting at Borivli station which left me visibly teary-eyed...😢

These are just a few of the highlights of the last 9 days, that I spent in the extremely cool hill slopes of Uttaranchal. 

Most of them are apparently insignificant moments of my life. Moments like many others, that I’ve had before, on the many other tours that I’ve been for, over the years. Despite the fact that I’ve been for a tour, a camp or an outing, with my school staff and students, almost every year since I’ve joined the school; I always end up coming back home, with a trunk load of treasured moments. 

I’m not that much of a shop-o-holic. So I don’t really pick up too much stuff, from the places I visit. However, after almost every trip I’ve been for; I’ve come back home, armed with a whole bunch of 'Memories', that I can savour and cherish for a life-time.😊

This year was definitely no exception. After an amazing trip to sunny Goa, with the X std. boys (which was absolutely memorable); I didn’t really expect the next trip, to top that one. I knew I would have a good time (the way I always do); but I went for the trip without too many expectations. 

Was looking forward to visiting the land, that I’ve only read about, in Ruskin Bond’s stories; and the place wasn’t a disappointment at all, (although I would have loved to see more of Dehra Dun). It was absolutely amazing. Of course, I have to add that more that the places we visited; it’s my interactions with the people who accompanied me on this trip, that made it so special.❤️

Parth, a small little bundle of joy – my colleague’s son, who brought so many smiles to my face, while I was on this trip. He was a 'one-man entertainment channel', and kept everyone entertained right through the trip. I will miss not having him around all day long, now that the trip is over. 

My colleagues and friends from work, with whom I just laughed and laughed and laughed, right thru’ the 9 days…Some of us are absolute clowns; and putting so many cartoons in one place, could prove to be quite disastrous for the weak-hearted.😂

Of course, my boys (some of whom are regulars on the tours), whose company I always enjoy. Others, who were coming on the trip for the first time, and left no stone unturned to help make every minute of the trip, memorable.

...And an extremely naughty bunch of 6th std boys, whom I was put in charge of, while on this trip; who managed to actually get on my nerves and lose my temper, more than a few times, because of their constant bickering and quarreling. For some strange reason, they just never got on with one another; and that made life rather difficult, for the teacher in-charge - That’s me - who was holding on to the last strands of her patience, whenever it came to dealing with them.🤦‍♀️😄

Without a doubt though, these are also things that I will remember, when I sit down and think about my memories from this trip. 

Lastly, the Tour Operators, who were like the glue that bound this trip together. After going on so many trips, I’ve interacted with quite a few of them in the past: but no one has been able to gel and mix with the group, as easily and whole-heartedly as Jayesh and Majid. They were the life of this tour, and helped to make this trip absolutely worthwhile. So, kudos to them, for being two of the best Tour Operators, that DB has ever seen, in the last 5 years.👍

While the country is being torn apart by violence and strife, in the name of region and religion; I went for this trip with a lot of apprehension and fear. I wasn’t too sure, if I would come back, safe and sound. 

This trip though, helped me to forget all my worries. It gave me a chance to relax, and enjoy the company of friends and students, in a completely informal setting. It once again reinforced my belief, that it doesn’t take very long to make friends. 

I realized how grateful I was, to be blest with opportunities like these, to mingle with people, and to visit so many places, all over the country. 

I always knew, that I had an amazing ability to make friends. This trip made me marvel at, how quickly I got attached to people. The tears in my eyes at the end of this trip, were tears of sadness, at having to part ways from friends and students; who were my family for the past 9 days...No doubt school begins in two days, and I’ll be meeting almost all of them again; but it just won’t be the same. 

As I sit down to write this post, I am once again grateful to God, for bringing special people into my life. People who make the world a happier place. People who give me a reason to smile. People with whom, I am able to create so many 'Moments that Matter'.✨️✍️

HER REFLECTION ✨️❤️

She brought you into this world
As loudly you yelled and bawled,
I’ve answered you more than readily
Every time, my name you’ve called.

She taught you to take each step
You mastered it, as you stumbled and fell,
I’ve taught you to stand your ground
In life’s toughest situations, to do well.

She cooked up a meal for you
In the twinkling of an eye,
I’ve given you food for thought
And helped you aim for the sky.

She sat up late nights with you
Whenever you’ve been ill or sick,
I’ve lent you a ready listening ear
It’s all it takes to do the trick.

She’s the one you’ll always turn to
At life’s every twist and turn,
I hope what I’ve taught you will help
At times when you’re about to crash and burn.

Her’s is the shoulder you will lean on
Whenever life weighs you down,
I hope the lessons you’ve learnt from me
Will keep you away from every frown.

You’ll always be there for her
Till the day you bid each other farewell,
I wonder how long, we’ll stay connected;
That’s something only time will tell.

Our roles in your life have been so similar
We’ve both helped you mature and grow,
And yet, one of us gets to stay on in the game
While the other, becomes merely part of folklore.

In making you who you are
We’ve both played a vital part,
It’s just biology, and what we call fate
That gave her a bit of a head start.

I know I can never replace her
Though for a few hours each day, I actually do;
But I just wish I could get to share in her role
For more than just a decade or two.

She’ll never have to bother about being remembered
Cause you’ll always be close at hand,
What I dread most is that with time, I’ll be forgotten
I’ll vanish from memory, like the wave in the sand.

But there’s a long way to go before I cross that finish line
Over time, I’ll meet countless others like you, each day,
And I hope that at least in a few of your minds and hearts,
Like a mirror-image of her, I can forever stay.✨️❤️


(P.S. - A couple of alternate ways to end this poem were suggested to me, by one of the readers, because he felt that it would make the poem easier to understand. He felt it should say....

'And that's why She's a Mother and I'm a Teacher'
or
'But at the end of it, things come full circle,
Cause a Mother becomes a Teacher and a Teacher becomes a Mother'.😊

I found both very interesting; but didn't want to tamper with the spontaneous overflow of emotion, that was my poem. So, thought I'd just add this as a post-script.)✍️

FAITH RENEWED…CONFIDENCE RESTORED ✍️

The excitement had been building up much before the day finally arrived. The countdown had begun in the midst of all the tension and stress of the exams. Suddenly in the middle of supervising an exam, someone would say, “Miss, just 7 days to go.” I guess their enthusiasm rubbed off on me as well; and I also began looking forward to the trip, with a lot of anticipation.

Finally, the day dawned…The exams were over; but the joy on all their faces, was not just because the ordeal of the exams had been over and done with, for the time being. It was more because, in a few hours from then, we would be heading towards the land of the sun and sand. The land of the coconut trees and the rivers. The land endowed with scenic beauty.😊

For me, the excitement was tantamount to that of a little kid, who was visiting a new place for the very first time. No doubt, this was a place I’d been visiting, from the time I was a little kid. I was familiar with practically every place we were going to. Despite that, there was an underlying sense of joy, to be going back to the place, where I’d spent so many holidays with my Grandfather, and enjoyed every moment of it.✨️

For the others, it may have been like just another holiday; but for me going back to Goa, is always 'Special', as it brings back so many memories of my childhood.❤️

It brings a smile to my face, every time I think of how I tried coaxing the boys, to stop what they were doing, by saying, “Look out of the windows of the bus boys. We’re in Goa.”😄 After a point, they may have got annoyed at my repeated interruptions, to say something which was obviously 'So Silly'. For me though, it was a joy, to show off my native land, to these young visitors, who also happened to be my students.😊

Back home now, I find myself day-dreaming, every once in a while. We’re back in our beloved hometown Mumbai; but I don’t know whether I’m really happy to be home. There’s something that seems to be missing. I miss the noise around me. I miss the constant jabbering and yelling, the sing-song and the fooling around. I miss the fun and the laughter. 2 days on the train and 3 days in Goa…Somehow, all of that seemed a little too short. It seemed to get over, before it had even begun.😔

One of my past students, looked at the pictures of my trip today, and he said, “Miss, you sure have a lot of people in your pictures.” His conclusion was that I liked being around people, and that was very evident in my photographs. 

Come to think of it, I actually always like having a lot of people, in my pictures. This time it was Goa, so I didn’t really need to click pictures of places; since I’d already visited most of them before. However, even otherwise, I guess I always have 10-12 people in my pictures; with the monument, famous site, etc, only in the background. There’s so much we learn about ourselves, from the things we do. Isn’t it strange how everything we do, reflects a part of our personality?🤔

I’ve been on so many trips with the boys in school, over the last 5 years. So, what is it about this trip, that stands out? Was there something, that made this particular trip memorable? 

Yes, there sure were a lot of things. The hotel was amazing. The journey to and fro was fun. The hungama on the bus-rides from place to place was crazy. Lots of happy moments to choose from.😊

Strangely though, something that I will never forget about this trip; is an incident that made me unhappy. For almost half a day, it wiped off the smile from my face, and nearly drove me to tears. It was a misunderstanding, with one of my oldest students. An accusation of being ‘partial’ towards a particular group of students, was leveled against me. That word ‘partial’ is something, that cut through my heart like a knife. 

I guess it hurt more, because the person who pointed the finger against me, was a student who was so dear to me; one of my first students, who has always been so special. In the 5 years that I’ve been teaching, this was the first time, a student had leveled such a charge against me; and being something, that I’d always striven not to do, I found it extremely difficult to digest those words.😔

After a distressed day, I ended up with a splitting headache; but decided to sort things out, before turning in for the night. A relaxed chat face to face, worked wonders. It helped to ease the feeling of discomfort, that had been troubling me all day; and it definitely helped to clear the air and sort out every misunderstanding that ever existed.

So, would I call this experience, one that was a dampener on my fun trip? It upset me, no doubt. However, I don’t think it ruined my trip, in any way. Rather, it was a great learning experience. 

I’ve heard the saying very often, that ‘you can’t please all the people all the time.’ This was a real life example of that saying, coming to life through my own experience. 

Of course, I can joyfully say, that I now share an even more special relationship, with that student of mine. A rapport, that is now devoid of misunderstanding; as the whiff of the chilly air, that had momentarily slipped in through the crevice in the window, had now been driven out, and overpowered by the warmth of love and understanding. 

With the faith in the relationship renewed and the confidence in the student-teacher bond restored; I’m happy and my entire trip was worthwhile.✍️

A TREASURE TROVE OF MEMORIES ✨️❤️

I made an amazing discovery today - One that made me happy; and also brought tears to my eyes, at the same time. 

Some of my colleagues from work, came home for lunch this afternoon. After stuffing ourselves to capacity, with the delicious food that had so lovingly been prepared; we spent the rest of the afternoon, just sitting around chatting, enjoying the antics of little Parth (the son of one of my colleagues), and browsing through really old photographs. I dug out the oldest photographs of myself, that I could find, because I absolutely love showing off pictures of myself, when I was a little kid.😊

Flipping through those albums, was like going down memory lane, through the annals of time. My colleagues were quite intrigued, to discover the little kid in the pics, and see the way she’d changed and grown. None of them were a part of my existence, at the time those pictures were taken; and so my childhood, was an absolute mystery to them. Turning the pages of those old albums, was like a journey of discovery, into a world that was totally unfamiliar to them.

As my friends left to go back home, I found myself drawn to those photographs yet again. I may have seen them a million times before; and still, there’s something about albums and photographs that keeps drawing you back to them over and over again. 

As I went back to put those albums in place, I discovered, stashed away in that same cupboard; a whole bunch of old cards and letters . I started reading through every single one of them. 

These weren’t birthday or anniversary greetings, that we usually tend to save. Instead they were letters, cards and wishes dating back to March, 1990. Most of them were addressed to my Mum, Dad and Me. What amazed me though, was that upto this day, more than 18 years later; I had never ever laid eyes, on even a single one of those greetings or messages. 

I started going through every single one of them, and each word I read in those letters, was filled with so much of love and concern for me and my family. There were letters from immediate family, cousins, distant relatives, family friends, even casual acquaintances from long ago. 

Some of the letters had come from Goa, Mysore, Canada, Dubai; and some were from people who were close family friends at the time, but who’ve moved to different parts of the world today. 

So many of the letters had references to me as well; and every word in them expressed tremendous concern, for my well-being. A number of them wondered, how I was coping with the totally unexpected situation, that I had found myself in.🤔

As I read page after page and message after message, I realized how much of affection our family and friends had showered on us, through their kind words. I discovered how deeply moved, everyone had been at the time. I realized that the loss, which my family had suffered, had sent shock-waves through the lives of almost every person we knew back then.I was so moved by the words I had read. The empathy and deep emotional connection, was evident in every word.😢

Being a person, who loves corresponding and keeping in touch; for a few moments, I was upset at my mum. She is obviously the one, who has preserved all those letters, for almost two decades; but I was really irritated, that she had kept these from me. I immediately asked her, why she’d never told me about them. 

Later however, as I pondered over the situation, I realised that I was just a 10 year old kid then; and so maybe, she hadn’t felt the need to burden me, with so much of emotion and so many sentimental feelings, at the time. Over the years, she’d probably forgotten that she had never shown me those letters; and they had remained hidden, in a corner of that cupboard, waiting to be discovered by me so many years later.✨️

I’m not 10 anymore. Time has flown; and I wondered to myself, what if I were to sit down and reply to all those letters today? What would I write, and how would all those people respond? Would they even remember what they’d written, almost two decades ago? Most certainly not!!! Maybe, it would seem strange, to suddenly receive a reply to a letter, they had written so many years ago. 

I guess, it’s just something I’m thinking about, that I’ll never really get down to doing; but if I were to reply to all those letters, I think the underlying thought in every single reply would be, “Thank You Aunty, Uncle, Grandparent, Cousin, Friend, Neighbour, Associate, Mum and Dad’s Colleague, Well-Wisher. Thank You for showing that you care. Thank you for the love. Thank you for being there. Thank you for realizing, what we were going through. Thank you for feeling one with us, in our moment of deepest sorrow. Thank you! Thank You! Thank You!"❤️❤️❤️

I doubt any of those people will be reading this post today; but I hope they know, how much joy my latest discovery has brought me. Sure, some of the letters made me cry; but every single one of them was 'Special'; and I will never ever be able to Thank everyone enough, for all that Love.✨️✍️

ON THE WINGS OF A DREAM ✨️✍️

I was just thinking the other day about how we all had so many 'Hopes and Dreams' for the future, when we were little kids. 

Every child wishes that he would be something great in life, when he grows up. Each one’s Dreams are different; and each one finds his own ways to get there as well. For some, those Dreams are realized. For others, they're not. But for most people, those Dreams keep changing constantly, as we journey along life’s path. Not everyone is privileged enough to see his childhood ambitions and wishes turn into reality; but for those that it does, nothing could make them happier.😊

I recently had a conversation with a couple of my students, about what I had hoped to be when I grew up. Without blinking an eyelid I replied, “I’ve always wanted to be a Teacher.” “Was that all?”, was the next question, “because if that was all, that would mean, you’ve fulfilled your Dream.”🤔

I pondered over the question for a while and realized, that in fact, I was actually one of those lucky few individuals, who actually got a chance, to achieve what they dreamed of doing as kids.

Yes, I think being a 'Teacher', was always one of my lifelong Dreams. I had seen myself as a Teacher, from the time I was a little kid. I remember, that I was always imitating my own teachers activities; like writing on the blackboard, maintaining discipline in the classroom, preparing assemblies, helping the teacher to fill up mark-lists, marking the attendance in the absence of the teacher and countless other things. I think, I was destined to be a Teacher, because I was being trained for the job, even when I was still a student.❤️

I’m Grateful that I got an opportunity, to be where I am today. However, apart from that; I still have a few 'Unfulfilled Dreams', which I hope to fulfill some day, at a later stage in life. 

One of those, is that I hope to see my name, on the cover of a book, one day. 'Writing' has always been my way, of expressing what I feel. It’s my way of coping with every situation, that I come across in life. Putting thoughts into words is what I love most. 

Over the years, I’ve written innumerable pieces on a wide variety of subjects. However, more than fiction, I think I deal with 'Reality'. Most of my Writing, is drawn from my own life experiences. 

I’ve written essays, skits, poems, articles, posts on this blog, messages for special occasions, speeches, and a host of other material. I’ve even maintained a Diary for some time. 

A lot of the things I have written, have already been published, in various magazines and journals, websites, either as Articles, Poems, Reports of Events or numerous Editorials (since I proof-read and edited my School Magazine, for many, many years). Some have found their way to my friends collections, especially when they’ve liked something, that I’ve written. 

Some day though, I hope to put all of my writing together, which today is in bits and pieces all over the place, and get it published for posterity. God-willing, this desire I have, will one day become a reality.✨️✍️

While most of the Dreams I’ve had so far, have always been achievable, there is also one other Dream I have, which is rather far-fetched; but it’s something, that I often think about. 

Along life’s journey, I’ve met countless individuals, and many of those, I call my Friends. Unfortunately, while it’s so easy to make friends, having them around you Forever, is impossible. 

As life goes on, friends move on. In most cases, we meet, only to part after a while. Of all the people I’ve encountered in life though, many became very 'Special'. Some have stayed in touch, but others haven’t; and unfortunately today, I’ve lost touch with many of them. Despite that fact, they continue to be very dear to me, and the memories of the special moments we’ve shared, are very real and ever-present.💕

I always imagine, that before I say my 'Final Goodbye' to this earthly life, I should get a chance to meet every single person, that I have ever encountered in life, who has mattered to me in some way or the other. The scene that often crops into my mind’s eye, is of me lying on a hospital bed, and of being inundated with a long string of visitors, my hospital room filled to capacity with every single person, I’ve been close to in life.😊

Unreal! Impossible! Never going to happen! I know. To any sane and rational mind, this is more than far-fetched; but still the desire, for it to actually happen, lives on. I guess, there’s no harm in letting one’s Dreams take flight. Even if they’re far from reality, they provide happiness while they last; and that’s all that really matters.✨️

FEELING BLUE ✍️

‘SMILE YOUR BLUES AWAY!!!’😊

About two and a half years ago, when I first started posting on this blog, that’s the name I chose for my blog; because I always thought that having the ability to smile my way through life, was one of my great assets and one of God’s greatest blessings and gifts to me. 

True, life has presented me with countless opportunities in which to smile; but it has also taken me through moments of crisis, stress and extreme frustration, when a smile was absolutely the last thing on my mind. 

Despite that, somehow, I always managed to make it through the dark night. 

My blog though, has received mixed reviews from those who frequent this part of cyberspace. Mostly friends and some casual passers-by have often taken the time to comment on the content, that I’ve chosen to post here. 

Some felt that the 'smiling' was way too excessive for their liking; while others thought, that the 'blues' were always evident through the smiles.

Today, I decided to share an experience about how I managed to get through and cope with one of those 'inevitable blues' in life.

The last two days have been rather stressful. The pressure at work, has been weighing me down in a big way. Things just haven’t been going my way. I suddenly feel incapable and handicapped, and at a complete disadvantage. I haven’t been able to meet a deadline for a particular project, and am not even entirely happy with what we have managed to put together. It seems like a very shoddy and haphazardly done job; and as a result, it goes without saying, I’m very disappointed in myself. Have even contemplated just handing over the entire project to one of my colleagues. I think the best way to put it would be, I have been smiling a whole lot lesser, in the past two days.

I guess feeling a little 'off colour' sometimes, is pretty normal; and so, it wouldn’t really surprise most people. 

However, this morning in school, I had three different students asking me the same questions, 

“Miss, what’s wrong? Where has that smile gone today?”

“Miss, you don’t seem yourself today.”  

“Miss, I can’t believe this is the same optimistic person, we are so used to seeing everyday.” 

I tried to give them a not so genuine smile in response; but knowing me, most of them saw right through it. It was pretty evident. Something was troubling me terribly, and frankly, I couldn’t really pinpoint what that something was. 

My frustration literally drove me to tears last night; and to make matters worse, I didn’t really know the actual reason for those tears. All sorts of feelings and emotions made their way in. To sum it up, I guess I was at an emotional low point.😒

During the course of the day however, I managed to find someone, who lent me a listening ear; and I guess, that was something I needed really badly. The moment I’d offloaded my burdens, by voicing them to another person; I strangely felt so much better. 

This person was neither a counselor nor a psychologist. I wouldn’t even call this person my equal in age, cause the chasm of years that separates us, is extremely wide. All that was provided to me, were some words of comfort and encouragement, and some badly needed 'cheering up', that had seemed to be in short supply, over the past two days. I felt a lot calmer after that conversation and the storm that had been building up inside me, seemed to have quietened down.😊

The news I received just an hour or so later, would otherwise have crushed my spirits completely; because I received confirmed news that the project we were supposed to get done, was far from complete and didn’t even show signs of completion for another day or two. 

In my previous volatile state of mind, I would have reacted very differently to this piece of information. Strangely however, that one conversation, had helped me to handle the situation in a way, that surprised me as well. 

I was upset beyond doubt, that goes without saying. I even geared myself for a severe dressing down from my superiors, the next day. I was saddened and disappointed; but not as distressed as I had been, just a few hours ago.

Just one chat, had helped me to overcome all the pent up worry and anxiety, and had prepared me for any eventuality, no matter how grave or severe the consequences. I still wasn’t smiling; but I wasn’t incapable of doing it anymore.✨️

This experience taught me a very important lesson. It taught me about the importance, of being able to unburden oneself of one’s worries. It showed me how, just talking about something can make one feel so much better. It gave me an idea of how sometimes, the most unlikely person could help you untie the knots in a complicated situation. 

Moreover, it taught me never to give up, even when the odds are not in your favour. I learnt through this experience that no matter how many times one falls, what matters more is to rise up and go on. Strangely, this is something I myself had taught my students through a poem in Class X, only a month or so ago. Today, my own life experience reminded me of that same lesson once more.

I’m grateful to God for sending me someone, who listened to me today; and I’m also grateful to Him for taking me through this experience.

Although I’ve learnt it the hard way, I guess this experience has also taught me not to overestimate my capabilities and to stay grounded at all times. Over-confidence and pride, can be the downfall of the best of the best; and I learnt that, through a not-so-pleasant experience today. 

I’m glad this experience came along though, because now that I’m prepared for the most terrible consequences, I can smile again.😊

GLAD TO BE A TEACHER 😊❤️

What a day! I don’t think I could have gone to sleep today, without putting into words what this day has been like for me. Actually, not just this day, but this entire week has been quite something. Awesome! Splendid! Remarkable! Amazing! I could list out a whole bunch of adjectives; and it still would be insufficient, to really express how wonderful this week has been.😊

Teacher’s Day comes our way every single year, and for me, this day has always been special. This is my 5th year as a teacher; and every year Teacher’s Day has been a day I look forward to, with a lot of anticipation. 

This year, our Teacher’s Day Celebrations were spread out over an entire week. With events ranging from Antakshari, to a Quiz and even a back-breaking marathon Treasure Hunt, which has definitely contributed to some much needed weight-loss and also a terrible back-ache; the week finally culminated in a fantastic programme this morning. All in all, this week has been quite a roller-coaster ride.😄

It was a week in which our X Std. boys put themselves in our shoes for a short while everyday, and managed the school with a lot of confidence and enthusiasm. The panache and fervour with which they stepped into the roles assigned to them, was noteworthy. 

It was a week in which, the latent talents of our boys came to the fore, in a plethora of ways. Their creativity and innovation resulted in quite an incredible combination of fun, entertainment and some unforgettable moments. 

Whether it was picking up the little things we teachers do and say, and then imitating them, or poking fun at the teachers in a rather hilarious way. Whether it was simply dancing their heart away to entertain us, or putting us on the spot, with a short round of extempore speeches; the day was completely power-packed.

Of course, for me, the icing on the cake was the manifold nominations in the 'Top Three' for the Students Choice awards for the year, and actually winning one of those awards as well. Not only did it give me a fair idea of what my boys think of me as a teacher, it also made me feel so great about the fact, that I chose to be a Teacher. 

The recognition on the part of the boys, made all my efforts and hard-work, all the stress and strain, seem worthwhile. Winning the award for being the teacher with the 'Best Smile', once again reinforced my belief, that one needs to be able to find joy in the little things in life. It made me realize once more, what a wonderful gift God has blest me with - The ability to be able to ‘SMILE’ and be happy in every situation in life.✨️

My boys expressed their gratitude in so many ways over this past week. Every performance, whether it was in my classroom by my little chintus of Class 6, or by the older boys on the school stage. Whether it was through the innumerable flowers, bouquets, gifts and extremely special cards that I received. Whether it was the sms’s, phone calls, emails and scraps, or the visits from ex-students I’ve taught in the past 5 years, who took the trouble to think of their school teacher on this day -  Everything the boys did, was their small way of saying Thank You.❤️

I realized that before this day draws to a close, I also need to say a word of Thanks to the Heavenly Father above, for blessing me with all the talents and gifts that I would need, to help me be a good teacher. I need to thank Him for always being with me and guiding me on my journey through this vocation, that I have chosen. 

However, most importantly, I need to thank Him for the gift of every single student of mine, who has contributed in their own small way towards making me the teacher I am today. I can only pray that God may bless them abundantly, no matter how near or far they are from me today, because it is only because of them, that I am what I am today. I am a teacher and I’m so glad I am.💕

MY MEMORIES – MY SOLACE ✨️❤️

If I ever had to pick an Anthem for myself or a Song that aptly describes me and my personality,I guess it would be this song called ‘SMILE’. For those of you who haven’t heard the song before, the lyrics of the song go like this:

'Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile.'😊

SMILE 🎶

- Andre Rieu and Jermaine Jackson

I’m sure that those of you who know me well, and those who’ve known me over a period of years; would fully agree that this song is ‘Me’ in a nutshell.😄

Just yesterday, one of my friends made an observation about my personality. She said that although I appeared to be all happy and cheerful on the outside, there was a tremendous amount of sorrow buried deep within, that a casual onlooker would not even notice. She felt that I needed to 'Let Go' of everything that I was holding on to and just be myself…From the moment those words reached my ears, they kept going back and forth in my mind, and have caused a tremendous amount of emotional turmoil.🙄

I’d always imagined that I was a pretty 'well balanced individual', and that although the sadness and hurt, which had come my way in the past, had played an integral part in the shaping of my personality; they were not things that I was actually clinging on to. Listening to what my friend had to say however, I gradually began to wonder, whether I really had 'Let go'.🤔

On deeper introspection, I guess I came to the conclusion, that maybe I was holding on. I was holding on to 'Memories'. I was holding on to the few strands of moments, that I didn’t want to part with.

However, gradually, I also began to think, “What was so wrong with holding on?” Not letting go of the past completely, is what gives me 'Courage' to go on in life. It does lead to a lot of anguish and tears; but each time I shed a tear, I become emotionally stronger, and better equipped, to cope with the toughest situations ahead in life. 

It has also taught me, about the importance of enjoying every moment to the fullest. Looking at the way I’ve coped, is an example for so many others around me. 'My Memories' are the well-spring of my 'Creativity'. They account for the sensitive and soulful strain in my writing.✍️

Many psychologists and counsellors would probably concur with my friend, and say that I need to 'Let Go'. Somehow though, I tend to disagree; because I think, that holding on to something that’s dear to you, long after it is no longer a part of your life, is what keeps you 'Connected', with what you’ve lost.

And even if I earn that tag, of being a 'maladjusted individual', because I refuse to 'Let Go' completely, I guess I’d like to still 'Stay Connected to my Memories, till the day I myself become, 'But A Memory'.🤷

THE GIFT OF FRIENDSHIP 😊❤️

Two of my friends got married today. I’ve known them both, since the time I was in school. Over the years they got to know one another, liked each other and that fondness eventually turned into love, which then led them to the altar. It was a real joy to be a part of their wedding celebration today. Seeing the happiness on their faces, made me happy as well. I’d always known they would one day tie the knot, but to see it actually happen is quite awesome.💕

To add to that, this wedding has been like a coming together of friends, that I’ve grown up with, many of who are now out of the country. So, seeing all of them together in one place, filled me with so much of nostalgia. It was so amazing, to be in the company of old friends from school and college. Friends who I only keep in touch with through the Internet, were now once again in front of me, in person. 

So much has changed and altered over the years. Some of them look a little different from what they used to as kids. Some of them are married now, and were there with their spouses. Many of them now work and live in different parts of the world.

Despite all that has changed over time, one thing has stood the test of time, and that is the 'Friendship' that we share with one another and the love we have for one another. We may not see each other for months; and yet, when we meet, it’s like 'Coming Home'. 

Coming Home to the memories of our childhood, 

Coming Home to the times we spent together as we grew up, 

Coming Home to the feeling of being 'Friends Forever'.

I wouldn’t call them my 'Best Friends', because over time I’ve made a lot of other New Friends as well; but they definitely are among my Oldest Friends, and that’s what makes them 'Special' to me.

What a Joy it is, to be blest with Friends! If only the time we got to spend in their company, wasn’t so momentary and fleeting...

...How much more beautiful life would be.✨️😊

VIRTUE AT WHAT PRICE??? 🤔

Patience is a virtue, is what I’ve often heard; and thankfully I’ve been blest with lots of it. Of course, occasionally I do flare up and lose my temper; but I guess, on an average I could be classified as being a pretty patient individual.

I’ve often heard my friends and my students say, “She hardly ever gets angry”, which is mostly true; although there have been moments when I have been known to vent out my frustration and irritation, very vocally and audibly. 

Of course, such instances are few and far between, and therefore don’t register on the radar. That mostly happens at home and only my parents get a taste of my fury, when I occasionally turn on the heat and let out all that pent up anger.

It may be a good thing to be a patient person, but I think all we do when we call ourselves patient, is lie; because I doubt there is anyone on this planet, who is really so patient. I’m sure Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa or even Jesus Christ himself for that matter, would have definitely lost their patience, at some time or the other.🤔

In fact, I think that 'pretending to be patient', is what most of us do. I’m sure there would be many, who have perfected the art of exercising restraint, when they actually want to give someone a thorough verbal lashing. 

While it is definitely considered 'good manners' to do so, I think an over-dose of appropriate conduct, could lead a person’s mental and emotional health, to be adversely affected; and although patience is supposed to be a virtue, I don’t think there’s anything wrong in 'losing it', once in a way. 

If anything, I think it would actually make us better human beings, as we wouldn’t be bottling up so many negative emotions, that we would definitely have as human beings. In the process, we would end up developing into more stable individuals.

So, I guess the next time I call myself a patient person, I think I would first have to go and see who I need to give a very serious dressing down to; and for those who’ve always known me to be a very calm and gentle soul, that would indeed be a true sight to behold.😄

YEARNING FOR LOST INNOCENCE ✍️

Happy and carefree, with not a care in the world,
As little kids, how unperturbed we used to be,
Life was so uncomplicated and simple and secure,
The untainted joy and pure felicity, was there for all to see.

The world was one big roller-coaster ride
And we were having the time of our life;
The ups and downs, and twists and turns on it,
Were just part of the ride and caused little strife.

But as the years flew by, we slowly grew up
And we began to see the world in a different light;
The shades of gray began presenting themselves,
Things were no longer simply black or white.

As the different facets of life presented themselves to us
The confusion and the uncertainty grew as well,
The crossroads in life provided us with such a variety of choices,
Of the resulting anguish it caused, anyone could tell.

Life was no longer an open book,
So clear and unobstructed from people’s gaze;
It had now become a closely guarded secret
It had turned into an actual maze.

That same untroubled life had turned into a real puzzle
And cracking the code was no easy task,
The web we’d woven for ourselves had left us in tangles,
We had concealed ourselves behind a mask.

Why had we let life get so complicated?
Why had our errors in judgement taken control of us?
Why had we given up the reins of our own lives?
Why had we let things so drastically alter thus?

There may have been times when we had hidden the truth,
There may have also been times we’d betrayed those who care,
To lose the trust of people so loving and so dear,
To be so heartless, how could we even dare?

Life – How perplexing it can be sometimes!
How difficult to comprehend and understand!
At times it puts us on top of the world,
At other times, we feel we’re standing on quicksand.

Jolly little creatures, with a look of wonder in their eyes,
As we grow, why do we let that spark die down?
Sometimes I wish I could have been a child forever,
How wonderful, if I never had a reason to frown!!! ✍️

SALAMAT DATANG TO A NEW WORLD 😊💕

Along with all the love and respect that I have received as a Teacher in the past 4 years; and apart from all the joy it brings to me, my job has also given me an opportunity to Travel. 

I have visited a number of places within India, on our 'Annual School Educational Tours' with the boys; and every experience has given me an opportunity, to broaden my horizons. It has exposed me to the immense variety and brought me face to face with the amazing diversity, that exists in our beloved nation.

India is such a wonderful assortment of cultures, language, cuisines, dress, and landscape; and yet despite the multiplicity, there is an underlying oneness that unifies us.

Every trip around India therefore, has been a learning experience for me, and has helped to make the textbooks come alive, right before my eyes. It has given me first hand experience and thereby, made me a more well-informed and knowledgeable teacher, than I was before. 

Now, when I share some information with my boys in class, it’s not merely head knowledge or something I just got off the internet; but it’s a sharing of actual experiences, and that definitely makes the whole teaching-learning experience, more believable and enjoyable.😊

Just over a week ago, my school once again presented me with an opportunity, to take my 'Voyage of Discovery' a step further. It literally took me off my feet and whisked me off high into the clouds, to a place I’d never been to before. 

‘Salamat Datang’- that was the greeting this new world extended to me, as it welcomed me with open arms. Once again I was going to be exposed to a new kind of diversity and was about to be a part of a whole new set of experiences. Only this time, it was beyond Indian shores, in a foreign land, as I visited two of the most sought after tourist destinations in South East Asia - Singapore and Malaysia.💕

CLEAN and GREEN - Those are just two words we keep hearing over and over again, here in India. In those two places however, those are not merely words, but they’ve been actualized and made a reality. Visible dirt is a concept that’s probably unheard of, by the citizens of these two nations; and surprisingly, a large percentage of the population, is made up of people, who are Indians by descent. 

It made me wonder about how, Indians living in a foreign land had learnt to systematically and diligently follow the very rules, that they happily chose to disregard, in their own land.

Malaysia-Truly Asia - How many times, I had seen that ad for Malaysia Airlines on the television; and one of the first thoughts that crossed my mind, as I walked around in Genting Highlands and in Kuala Lumpur, was how true that tag-line actually was. 

There were people from almost every corner of Asia there. It was as if the whole of Asia, in every form, shape and size, had descended upon this country. I never really felt home sick at any point of time, during my short trip. 

Of course, one of the reasons was probably because, I was travelling in a group of 30 people; and we were almost like one big family for those eight days. 

However, the other reason for that was, that we kept bumping into Indians, almost everywhere we went. We heard people around us conversing in Hindi, Marathi, Gujarati, Punjabi and of course Tamil, which incidentally is one of the official languages in those countries, a fact which came as quite a surprise to most of us. 

We also ate things like paneer, dosas, naan and aloo mutter in the Indian restaurants there. Who would have thought, that one would be able to find authentic Indian cuisine, in a totally foreign land. Of course, in the bargain, we did miss out on sampling some of the local street food and delicacies, which is something I did regret to a small extent; but the Tour Operator had strangely preferred to book us mostly Indian meals, during our stay there.😒

Singapore and particularly Sentosa Island, was absolutely beautiful; and took us right into the warm embrace of Mother Nature herself. Birds, animals, and aquatic life - we were literally face to face, with all of them. The rainforest settings had been painstakingly created, over a number of years; and provided the animals, birds and the fish with such a wonderful home, where they were well looked after and taken care of.

One of the thoughts that was uppermost in all our minds, was that we in India have almost as much beauty and natural diversity in our country, if not more. What we need most of all, is to chanelise all those wonderful resources and develop it, just as the governments of these two countries have done. They have turned their countries into amazing tourist spots, simply by going back to nature and harnessing the resources they have, in the best possible ways.👍

This trip brought with it, a host of first time experiences for me. There were so many times when I found myself, looking around at things around me, with absolute wonder. I was completely awestruck by some of the experiences, and at so many times behaved like a little kid, who was seeing some of the things for the very first time in her life. 

The long 20 minute cable car rides to and from Genting Highlands, over the forests and mountains of Malaysia; which started off on a slightly nervous note, soon turned into absolute delight and scenic splendour. It made the shorter cable car ride to Sentosa Island, seem like a cake-walk. 

The large number of escalators and elevators that we went up and down in, took some getting used to initially, for those of us who had always been used to stairs; but eventually, we got used to them, so much so that someone suggested that Fr.Bosco, our Principal, should convert all our staircases in school to escalators.😄

I was also dealing in foreign currency for the first time ever; and it was not so much fun realizing, how expensive things were there, when we converted it into Indian Rupees. For the sake of tourists, let's hope the value of the Indian Rupee goes up soon.

The high point of the entire trip however, was a show on the beach at Sentosa Island, called ‘Songs of the Sea’. It was a mix of music, smoke, water, fire, lights, computer animation, laser projection and a host of things, all rolled into one; making it an absolutely spectacular show. It was so beautifully co-ordinated and flawlessly executed, that it left us completely speechless. 

Everything was perfectly orchestrated as we moved towards the magnificent fireworks display, which marked the finale of the show. Words would be insufficient to describe, what that experience was like. One has to only see it to believe it; but that one show, made the whole trip so worthwhile, and was a fitting end to a fantastic trip.❤️

I’d like to end this section of my blog, with a word of Thanks to my Principal, Fr. Bosco, for organizing this entire trip, and for going a step further and thinking of an 'International Tour' this year. 

I will always remember that my first ever 'foreign trip' was made a reality, because of him. Of course, our Tour Operator Alpesh, from ‘Ashish Holidays’ and his contacts in Malaysia and Singapore, ‘Tourland’, for providing us with the best facilities, hotels, transportation, food, etc. 

This tour almost did not happen for me, as I got my visa in hand, just half an hour before stepping on the plane. I guess I have to Thank God and Aadam and Sunder from Ashish Holidays who went all out, to see that my visa was ready just in the nick of time. 

My 29 co-travellers also made the trip very lively and enjoyable, with their enthusiasm and friendly banter. 

Of course, there are also two people who will be etched in our memories for a long time, Mr.Sundarajan and Ms.Bee Choo who were our guides in Malaysia and Singapore, respectively. They were two very colourful personalities, that we encountered; and both of them made our trip memorable. I also learnt a lot about the history and culture of the region from the two of them.

I thank God for making this trip a reality for me and for keeping his mantle of protection over us at all times.✍️

THE ENDLESS WAIT ✍️

Some years ago, when I was in my Final Year of college, I remember reading a play by Samuel Beckett called ‘Waiting for Godot’. It was a text that we had to study, as part of the English Literature course, in the Third Year. 

The play was a tragicomedy, because it was 'about everything and about absolutely nothing', at the same time. It had two central characters Estragon and Vladimir, who were simply waiting endlessly, for someone called Godot, and it presented, everything that goes on between them, during that long wait.

It just made me wonder about, how we spend so much of our life 'Waiting', just like Vladimir and Estragon:

- waiting for a bus or a train

- waiting to see the result of something, that we’ve started out doing or attempted

- waiting to see the reactions of people, to something we’ve said or done

- waiting for the arrival of loved ones

- waiting for certain sad or troublesome people or situations, to pass.

Living in a country like ours, with a population that’s just bubbling over, we can’t help but 'wait our turn', for just about everything. We’re always standing in queues, and there’re always some impatient ones, who try to jump those queues; much to the exasperation, of all those who are braving the heat and the sweat, as they hold on, to their last strand of patience. 

We grumble and complain, about having to wait; and still, we can’t really do very much about it. It is a fact of life, that we just learn to accept.

While 'waiting' is mostly thought of, as being rather painful, there are also times when waiting for something, can fill a person with a blend of feelings like joy, longing, apprehension, expectation, and so on. 

On the one hand, you have the nervousness and anxiety among students, as they wait for the outcome of an examination; and on the other hand, you have the exhilarating feelings of a pregnant woman, waiting patiently for nine long months, to give birth to her little bundle of joy. 

While a child, is always longing to grow up; a person who has lived a long life, awaits the day, when he or she will pass from this world.

 
Life itself, has been turned into 'One Endless Waiting Room'.🤷 

'Waiting' is certainly a part and parcel of life itself. It is something we can’t do without; and yet sometimes, I feel that in this whole process of 'waiting for what is to come', we kind of 'miss out on the present'. We miss out on the beauty and ecstasy of the moment, because we’re always preoccupied, with what is going to happen in the future. 

So, I just wonder at times, whether it would ever be possible for us, to live our lives, enjoying every moment as it comes; without bothering about what the future holds in store for us, without concentrating on what lies ahead. ✍️

A CLASS APART 😊❤️

I just felt like putting down some thoughts today, about someone who means a lot to me. She’s a colleague, a friend, a guide and a kind of a mentor to me as well. She’s been a teacher in our school for about 10 years now; and has been around, for much longer than me. She’s someone every student in my school, looks up to and respects. She has always been that one person, that no one can mess with. Everything she does is absolute perfection. She can never have anything less than that. 

As a result, there are always a few students who think, she is extremely mean and a little too strict occasionally; but that doesn’t bother her one bit, because discipline always matters most to her. 

Despite her stern exterior however, she has been able to build up such a wonderful rapport with her students, that no ex-student who visits the school, ever leaves without having a conversation with her. She is a teacher par-excellence, and any of her students will vouch for that.

Coming into the institution 4 years ago, as a New Teacher, fresh out of B.Ed. college, I had a lot of fears and inhibitions. I was enthusiastic and determined to do my best; but there was just so much to learn. Teaching in a boy’s school, wasn’t going to be a piece of cake. 

At that time, when I had such a big challenge ahead of me, this colleague of mine, literally took me under her wing. Among all my co-teachers, she was one of the two people I had always looked up to for guidance. Their experience, was what I turned to at every step of the way; and they never let me falter, as I made my way, trying to learn the ropes. They were always there to guide me along.

One of those two special colleagues of mine, left the institution a few years ago; and her leaving, had come as a severe blow to all of us. Her family commitments had made her take that decision. Although I have stayed in touch with her, even after she has left; I feel her absence so many times.

I had just begun to get used to the fact, that she was not around; when I received another jolt. I discovered that this second colleague of mine, was going to be leaving the institution as well. Her life has different plans in store for her and working at this institution, probably doesn’t fit in with her plans. 

While I want to share in her joy and be happy for her, my selfish heart refuses to do it. For me, the fact that she is leaving, means that I am losing that second person as well, who I always looked up to.😒

When I first heard the news that she would be leaving, I just couldn’t hold back my tears, and my eyes continue to well up with tears, every time I think of the fact, that soon she won’t be around. 

No doubt there will be a new person who will take her place; but I doubt anyone would ever be able to replace her. With her leaving, I’m losing someone, from whom I’ve learnt so much. She has helped me to grow in confidence. She has helped me to become better, at guiding the students in extra-curricular activities. She has always encouraged me right through these four years. 

When I’ve had a problem regarding academics, she was the one I turned to, and she was always there for me. I just can’t imagine what life in school is going to be like, without her. While I wish her well, for whatever plans God has in store for her, I also know that I’m going to miss her tremendously.

Thanks Smita, for being such a wonderful person and thanks for everything you’ve done for me. You truly are, A CLASS APART. ✨️❤️

JUST BEYOND REACH ✍️

Not every goal in life is attainable,
Not every mountain can be surmounted,
Not every wish can be fulfilled,
Not everything turns out as we willed.

Our imagination takes us to places
Where we’ve never been before;
Our dreams make us tread new paths,
They fill us with the zeal to make new starts.

Life however, has an uncanny way,
Of showing us glimpses, of just what we can’t have,
After raising our hopes way up high,
It leaves us longing, with a wish and a sigh.

It’s not always easy for us to accept this,
But strangely enough, the best things in life
Are always just beyond reach,
And every situation, has a lesson to teach. ✍️

A DATE TO REMEMBER ✨️❤️

The 2nd of March.

Just another day, in the life of almost every person I know. It comes our way every year and goes by 24 hours later. Even 24 long hours seem to go by without being noticed sometimes, at the speed at which time flies by.

Despite that, this is a day on which 'Time Stands Still' for me every single year. A day that’s unforgettable, because it was that one day, which changed the course of my life forever. 

It’s been 18 years since that fateful day; but every year, as that day draws near, the memories are refreshed in the mind. This is the first time, I’m recounting and trying to put into words, what actually happened that day.😔

The year was 1990. 2nd of March, happened to be a Friday that year. It was a day like any other day. I was just 10 years old. My little brother Nathan, who would be 7 in a few months from then, was fast asleep beside me, when I awoke. If I had any inclination, as to what was going to happen later that day, I would have probably hugged him as he lay there sleeping next to me, and at least said 'Goodbye' to him. He went to school in the afternoon, and so didn’t need to get up at the same time as me.

I don’t remember what happened in school that day; but the events that unfolded when I got off the school bus that afternoon, have been imprinted in my memory. The first thing I was told, when I stepped off the school bus in front of my building was, “Your brother has met with an accident, BUT HE’S FINE NOW.” 

A little girl of Class 4, the impact of those words didn’t really sink in. They seemed reassuring enough. I took her word for it, and went to my neighbour’s place for lunch, since no one was home. Some time later, my grandfather came home and called me home. He too didn’t seem very disturbed, and so I was calm as well. I went back home and started doing my homework, all the time unaware, of how my life was about to change so drastically.

At about 3.00 in the afternoon my Grandfather said, let’s go to Bhagwati Hospital and see how your brother is doing. I’d never been to a hospital before; and so, I got ready and went with him, never once anticipating, what this first hospital visit would be like.

As we entered the compound of the hospital, I met some of the ladies from my building, and they looked at us with eyes that were just waiting to explode; but being a little kid, I smiled at the few faces that I recognized in the crowd. No one said a word. I guess they were just too overwhelmed, to say anything.

My Grandfather and I walked up the staircase of the hospital; and in the distance, I spotted my Dad standing in the middle of a crowd of people. My Papa walked up to them; and then, I remember him letting out a loud cry, probably the loudest cry I have ever heard to date. 

I saw my brother lying on one of those movable hospital beds, that take patients from one room to another; so life-like, but completely still. To look at his face was like looking at the face of the cutest little kid you’ve ever met, even in that state.😢

I was taken home, I don’t even remember by whom. No one told me what had happened. No one explained the situation to me. No one said anything. I reached home and saw my mum sitting on the sofa, with tears in her eyes. She just sat there, looked at me, and put her hands out to hug me. 

Still completely in the dark about what had really happened, I went and sat next to her. One of my neighbours made me and my mom a hot cup of tea. It was a nice hot steaming cup of tea, and I can still remember that, after all these years. 

Upto this time, no one had bothered to tell me what had happened. Actually, coming to think of it, I think no one really did tell me anything. I was just left to figure out everything for myself. Probably, because everyone must've thought, "She's just a child. She won't understand."

(How wrong people are, to think that about little children. I wish people would realise, that even little children see, hear and understand everything, that happens around them.)

People started pouring in by the dozens. Time and again, everyone wanted to know, “How did it happen?” The strange part was, none of the three of us, was actually there when that speeding jeep just knocked down my brother; and yet, we were piecing bits and pieces of the story together, every time we repeated it to someone. 

He was rushed to the hospital by the neighbours and people from the locality, to whom we are eternally grateful. The impact of the accident was too great for his body to take it; and he passed away an hour or so later. Unfortunately, none of us got a chance to talk to him, before he left us.😒

It was just one day and I was just 10 years old. For me to remember something that happened all those years ago, would probably seem difficult and impossible. But, I remember every single thing that happened that day, from the moment I stepped off that school bus. 

I guess it’s because, that was a day like no other. It was the day I officially turned into 'An Only Child'. 

It was the day on which, I lost my little brother forever. 

It was the day on which, I suddenly grew up. 

It was a day on which I came face to face with something as big and as real, as 'Death' itself.

The 2nd of March is here once again, for the 18th time, since that day way back in 1990. I ask myself, how do I feel knowing that it’s been 18 years, since my little brother passed away? 

I feel a deep sense of loss. I feel the void in my life that has been created by his absence. He would have been 24 years old now. I never stop imagining how different things would have been, if he was still here; and I never stop wishing that he were still here.✨️

And yet, my life goes on. No one sat down and explained the concept of Death to me. At the tender age of 10, the concept explained itself to me, as the happenings of the day unfolded before my eyes. 

At a young age, I learned that 'Death comes without a warning'. 

It taught me to 'Be Prepared for the worst, at all times'. 

It taught me to 'watch every word I say to the people I love, because it may be the last word I ever say to them'.

Above all, it taught me to 'value people, friendships, relationships'.

I guess, that would explain why, I ended up being a person, who just wants to be surrounded by the people I Love, all the time.❤️

Yes, Death is the end of Life; but for those of us who stay behind, it’s the 'Beginning of a New Life'.

Learning to cope with Life, without that 'One Person', that we loved so dearly.

...And more importantly, learning to LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST, just as that person would have wanted us to.✍️

Brrrrrrr…IT'S FREEZING!!! ❄️☃️

The sweaters and shawls are receiving their annual airing…Only this time, it’s not just for a couple of days in the whole year. In fact, the blankets have been in use, for almost a month now; and there’s still no indication of when they can be folded and put away until next year. 

A good thing actually, because for us in Mumbai, the cold season is as fleeting as the rainbow in the sky, that is just momentarily visible. One minute it’s here, and then it’s gone…This year however, winter seems to be here to stay for a while.☃️

Cozying up under those blankets every morning, switching off the alarm and going back to sleep because it’s just too cold to get out of bed, standing in front of the wash-basin and waiting to put one’s finger under the water to test how bearable the freezing water really is…these are all things that we Mumbaikars seldom find an opportunity to do. 

So, while many of us are feeling a little under the weather due to the extreme cold, which has taken it’s toll on the health of a lot of people and brought with it colds, coughs and fevers galore; it sure is a good time to be in the city. Hot coffee and a steaming bowl of soup…seems like heaven at such times, doesn’t it? ☕️🍜

Lonavla and Khandala must have definitely felt a dip in the influx of tourists, over the past couple of weekends, especially those driving down from Mumbai; because considering how cold it has been here, not many may have ventured, to head off in the direction of a hill-station. When you can experience the same thing right here in one’s backyard, people wouldn’t really have felt the need to go elsewhere. 

At the back of our minds, we know that it’s not going to last very long but I guess just like ice-cream, we’re going to enjoy it while it lasts.🍦

A thought just crossed my mind though. I was just wondering whether we should really be happy, at the fact that we’re shivering right through the day, in a place like Mumbai. Is this an ominous sign of things to come? Are all those predictions about drastic climatic changes, made by those that are concerned about the environment, coming true in our city as well? Is the fact that we’re actually experiencing a ‘proper winter’ for once in our city, something to be happy about; or is this a warning sign to us, that we need to stand up and take note of the rapidly changing environmental situation?…I think the answer to these questions would be a very strong and emphatic, YES.

YES, we can be happy and enjoy the cool weather that is such a rarity in our city...

YES, it feels good to snuggle and curl up under those, oh-so-warm blankets...

But at the same time, we also need to say YES, this is nature’s way of telling us to wake up and pay attention. 

This is her way of sending a 'chill down our spine', to make us realize that we need to become more cautious, of the way in which we deal with the earth.

This is her way of trying to make us aware that things could get worse, if we human beings don’t start doing something about it...

Let’s just start listening, to what she’s trying to tell us; and do something about it as well, in whatever ways we can. ✍️

MISS YOU MOST AT CHRISTMAS TIME 😢

It's that time of the year, when there's a lot of festivity in the air. It's Christmas and apart from all the preparations for the birth of Jesus, there are also weddings galore. Everywhere you turn, you see shops all lit up and decorations adding colour to the facade of every store. 

One can hear the sound of music and carols floating through the air. The smell of Christmas sweets coming out of every kitchen, makes your mouth water instantly. One may also catch a glimpse of people totally engrossed, in making Christmas cribs and stars, at every nook and corner. There's so much of activity all around.😊

I enjoy this time of year thoroughly, because of all the joy and happiness that comes along with it. Christmas is a time, when everyone seems to be back in town. Friends who live in different parts of the world, those working on ships and those who work in different countries abroad, all decide to come back home for a few days at Christmas time. It’s a wonderful time to catch up with friends, that you may have not seen in years.

Apart from that, Christmas is one of the two times in the year, when I get to spend a lot of time with my Choir, practicing Christmas carols and having a good time. 

This year, I was also part of another group of young people in my parish; and we were putting up a 'Christmas Musical' together. So, that again, involved long hours of practices, which were extremely fun-filled and enjoyable. Being in the company of friends always brings joy to my heart.🎶

On Christmas day itself, I will be spending the afternoon with all my cousins and my extended family, as an aunt of mine celebrates her birthday on the 25th of December. So, Christmas day is one day, when I get to catch up with my cousins, who I barely see right through the year, except on special occasions and family functions. Christmas lunch at my aunt’s home, is definitely something I look forward to every year, precisely because of that.

Amidst all this festivity and joy however, there is one person I always miss tremendously at this time of the year; and that is my little brother, Nathan. I really wish that he was still around. I envy my friends, who get a chance to spend time with their siblings, during Christmas time. Putting up the decorations, the Christmas tree and the crib together, probably singing a carol or two with their brother or sister, popping some sweets into the mouth, as it is being made, and being yelled at for that - The things that siblings can do together at Christmas time, are only things I dream about and imagine every year. 

I keep wishing and hoping, that I could also have a Christmas like that, spent in the company of my brother; but that was not part of God’s plan for my life. While I understand that He probably had better things in store for me, when he took my Nathan from this world; at times like these, when you’ve got to spend a time like Christmas, deprived of these simple joys of life, you can’t help but wonder ‘WHY?’🤔

Answers to questions like these, are not easy to find; and try as hard as one wants to, they’re not easy to find solutions to either. 

So I guess, I just need to be grateful for the people that I still have around me at Christmas time. My parents, my friends from my choir and my youth group, my cousins and the rest of my extended family. Each of them has their own family to spend Christmas with; but for the few moments that I spend with them, they become my family. They help fill the space created by the absence of my brother in my life.

...And when I get back home and am all alone once more, that’s when I miss you the most my dear Nathan; and I can’t help saying this over and over again, even so many years after you’ve passed away, I wish you were still here. I love you Nathan and I’ll keep missing your presence in my life for as long as I live; but most of all, at Christmas Time.✨️❤️