TIME TO RE-CHARGE OUR CONNECTIVITY QUOTIENT ✍️

“Hello!…Hello!...Could you just repeat what you said...Just hold on okay…There’s too much noise here. I can’t hear anything you’re saying.”  

I’m sure most of us have had a conversation like this, over the telephone, at some time or the other, haven't we?

Living in Mumbai, the frequent offenders that assist this reduced audibility, would be the loud decibels, emanating from street bands and revelry, during the celebration of a festival, a fast out-station train passing by, a crowded noisy street during a traffic jam, uncontrollable honking at a traffic signal (which is the strangest and silliest thing, since no one is going anywhere, till that signal changes colour)🤦‍♀️, digging of bore-wells and machines at construction sites, the blaring television in our living rooms, etc.

As if these deafening sounds weren’t sufficient, to hamper our sense of hearing, we have gadgets aplenty, to draw our attention away, from the people around us. Laptops, Cell phones, Tablets - complete with the latest games and apps - and lo and behold, we’re 'Visible and Invisible' at the same time. 

Physically, we are 'Visible' to those around us. They see us; but if they try to get in a word, it just won’t get through to us, because with our faces and minds buried in Facebook, Twitter and Whats App, the virtual conversations take complete control of us, and even if someone yells straight into our ears, we wouldn’t really hear it. 

Technology thus has the power, to lure us into a world of chats and instant messaging, that takes us far beyond the world, that we are physically living in. It gently coaxes us, to spend every waking moment in cyberspace, with people we refer to as our ‘Friends'.

...But ironically, after it has systematically ensnared us to such an extent, that we stop talking to the people in the same room as us – mainly our family; we have chosen to name this activity ‘COMMUNICATION’. We even have the audacity to say that our means of communication, have evolved and developed. 

However, when I look at people around me, with all their fancy gadgets through which they ‘supposedly communicate’, I am tempted to ask, “ARE WE REALLY COMMUNICATING??? ”🤔

A little child loves it, when he can pick up a cricket bat, and play a game with his dad, even if the bat seldom makes contact with the ball. 

A toddler, loves to hear his mother read him a bed-time story, even if he has heard the story a million times before. 

Little children enjoy coming home from school, and narrating all the events of the day to their parents, very enthusiastically. 

They are always game for a 'family outing' over the weekend, or are happy just playing a game of scrabble, monopoly or simply snakes and ladders, because it means they get a chance to spend a few precious moments with their mum and dad.💕

Sadly, these treasured moments of togetherness in the family, are overtaken by gadgets and gizmos these days. The nuclear family system, often deprives children of the presence of grandparents, who would have otherwise made up, for the absence of the child’s working parents. 

Hectic work- schedules, jobs that entail working in shifts, deadlines at the work-place, or just the presence of that very intrusive cell phone, that keeps ringing incessantly, at all the wrong moments, are collectively robbing our kids of what is rightfully theirs – FAMILY TIME.😔

As an Educator, who works with children everyday, I observe kids on a daily basis; and based on my observations, I think it is imperative for me, to remind all the parents I know, that they need to make their children their top priority, and put genuine ‘Family time’, back on their daily schedule. 

While the world comes closer together, through the various means of communication, we also need to RE-CHARGE OUR CONNECTIVITY QUOTIENT in our families. I earnestly urge all parents to just ‘LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD’ more often than you pick up a cell phone or chat online.❤️

Likewise, I would also like to remind all the young people I know, especially those who've been my students in the past; that there is no one who loves you, more than your parents. As you grow up into teenagers, you often develop this mistaken notion, that your parents have landed from another planet; and therefore, can never seem to understand you. 

You need to understand though, that in reality, it is quite the contrary. Your parents may not always seem to understand you, because of the so-called ‘generation-gap’; but in reality, you just need to make an extra effort, and try and start opening up a little more, by sharing your thoughts, fears, happiness, etc. with your parents. 

Instead of whiling away the hours on networking sites, ‘START TALKING TO YOUR PARENTS’, in the same way that you would talk to a friend; and before you know it, all the lines of communication in your family will be open.😄✍️

MUSIC BRINGS JOY TO MY HEART 😊🎶

Lest the few people, who used to follow this blog at some point of time, think that I've gone into hibernation forever; I thought I'd put down a few lines on my blog today. 

This past month has been a month full of Music. I've been for some fabulous musical performances; and so I thought, there could be nothing better, than writing about those wonderful musical moments, to pick up from where I left off, so many months ago.🎶

I've kind of had an overdose of Music this month; but this is one, that has absolutely no negative side-effects. In fact, the only effect was, that my heart was filled with joy.😊

Unfortunately, for those of us who live in the Northern suburbs of Mumbai, most of these shows are held in South Mumbai, at the NCPA, in Nariman Point; and unless you have company, getting home after a show, can be a bit of a problem, since it gets a little too late to travel alone. Thankfully this month, I've had lots of friends who agreed to come along, which resulted in this being, a good 30 days for my ears.💕

I had an opportunity to be there for 2 shows by the 'Stop-Gaps', a choir that I've enjoyed listening to, over the years. Not only do they sing and perform well; but their shows are always very enjoyable, thanks to the great sets, costumes, choreographed movements, live music accompaniment and great vocal harmony that Alfred D'Souza, their counductor, puts together.

I've heard countless tales of him being quite a bit harsh, during rehearsals; but I guess if the outcome is as good, as what they eventually put up on stage, we could ask for nothing better.👍

The first show was very creatively titled 'Stop-Gaps goes to the Dogs - and other furry creatures', as it was a charity event for the Welfare of Stray Dogs. So, the selection of songs had many of my personal favourites, sung by the Stop-Gaps and some very well-known soloists, from all over the city. A lot of songs related to animals and many from the Animated movies that everyone loves, made it a thoroughly enjoyable evening. 

Their Second show, called 'The Swinging 60's' was even better, as the programme included the Best Songs from the 60's - an era that all of us love, in terms of the music that was created back then; and to give it that twist, that the Stop-Gaps are now known for, they also included a small selection of songs from Bollywood, from that period of time; which was also great to listen to, in harmony.

I have often been for the Stop-Gaps Christmas shows, where they invite many other choirs from all over Mumbai to perform at their 'Festival of Festive Music'. At those shows, one only gets a chance to hear a few songs performed by the Stop-Gaps. 

These two shows gave me an opportunity to hear much more of the Stop-Gaps; and I was so glad I could be there, to enjoy their wonderful vocal harmony. The kids in their Junior Ensemble are also pretty amazing; and that group of 'Little Wonders', ensures that the future of the Stop-Gaps, is in safe hands.👏👏👏

There were also these two frequently advertised shows, that had been running in Mumbai for many months; but somehow, even thought I kept seeing the advertisements in the newspapers repeatedly, I just couldn't make the time, or find someone to go along with me for them. 

Finally this month, I was so glad when my friends from my choir, agreed to come along for the two shows called 'Broadway and Beyond' and everyone's all-time favourite, 'The Sound of Music'.😄

Both these shows were produced by the renowned Raell Padamsee's 'Academy for Creative Expression'(ACE Production), and so automatically, the musical quality and standard of the show was something to look forward to.

After having gone for both shows, I can safely say that they definitely did not disappoint. In fact, it made me and my friends immediately wonder, about when we could go for shows like those again.🎶 

The Broadway show had a great selection of songs from Broadway, performed by some fantastic, well-established performers from Mumbai. One performer that stood out for me, among all the brilliant performances at the Broadway show, was Tara Sutaria, a 16 year old musical prodigy, who is already taking the city by storm, at such a young age.✨️ 

To be able to watch 'The Sound of Music' being performed on Stage, just a couple of days ago, was also a fantastic experience; and especially since Delna Mody, who played the part of Maria, did full justice to her role. Marianne D'Cruz Aiman who played the role of the Mother Superior, was completely out of this world too; and all the other performers, also added to the show and made it an absolute hit.🌟

Earlier this month, I also had a chance to listen to a group of 4 singers from Kolkata, who go by the name 'Dhwani'. I have followed this group for the past 4 years. They put up a show for Teachers every year around 'Teachers Day', at the St. Andrew's Auditorium in Bandra, called 'To Teachers with Love' - which is their way of paying tribute to teachers in many Indian cities.❤️ 

What is unique about 'Dhwani' is that these four singers, who have primarily been trained in Indian Classical Music, sing in many different languages. This multi-lingual group, has evolved and grown over the last four years, that I have watched them perform. 

I marvel at the research that goes into their song-selection, and love the way they look for the original songs, of so many Bollywood favourites, and then sing those songs in the original languages, along with the Hindi counterpart. 

It's a very 'unique concept', which I haven't seen anyone in Mumbai do before. It makes the show 'enjoyable' as well as 'informative', as it helps to increase one's musical knowledge. 

What is also special about this group, is the way in which they can just switch into the 'accents' of the songs that they are performing, at the drop of a hat. You wouldn't even know, that the song is being sung by an Indian Classical singer. It's wonderful to hear them use their very strong base in Indian Classical music; and then branch out from there, into World music.👏👏👏

So, as is very obvious from my extra-long post, I've thoroughly enjoyed this month. I've been swamped with work right through this month; but these musical interventions, have made these last 4 weeks, so much fun.🎶

One might say, that it was a little too much for one month. It sure has been hectic to come back late from the shows, and then go to work the next morning, and look fresh and chirpy in front of my boys in school, even though I've been exhausted.😊 

Of course, considering how much fun I've had in this one month, I'm not complaining one bit. I'm just so glad I had the opportunity to go for all these shows. I'm happy my friends from my choir agreed to come along as well; and together, we've had some wonderful evenings. I'm glad I have friends who share my love for music. I look forward to many such musical moments with all of them.💕

I cannot conclude this post, without a word of thanks to God for this past month, which I have loved so much. I'd also like to Thank the Lord above, for all the performers who were a part of these multiple shows, that I was able to enjoy. It is He who has blest them with these wonderful talents, and it is He who gives them the strength to persevere through countless rehearsals and long hours of practice, which are an absolute must, for shows that turn out to be so enjoyable eventually. 

I pray that God may bless each of these performers and their families, and all those people who work behind the scenes, to turn these shows into a reality. It's thanks to the whole lot of them, that my friends and I, had such a great time at all these shows. I may not be able to thank each of them personally, for filling my heart with joy; but I can definitely whisper a prayer for them, and ask the Lord to bless them, in all that they do. Looking forward to many more musical moments in future in the company of my friends.✨️❤️

  

TO ALL MY WOMEN FRIENDS ✨️❤️

I was sitting around aimlessly a few days ago; and a random thought just happened to cross my mind. 

I suddenly realised that most of the girls I used to know, during my school and college days; were now not a part of my immediate friend circle anymore, because most of them had moved away from their parent's homes, when they got married.😔

On the other hand, all the guys I've known over the years, are still very much a part of the group of people, that I meet and see around regularly. Their wives have now become good friends, and they've very easily and comfortably replaced all the girls, who used to be my friends in school.😊

Now while this isn't a very amazing discovery that would make me shout, 'Eureka', it definitely made me ponder on something, that is a reality in our country and probably in most parts of the world. 

A woman has to literally uproot herself, from the place she has grown up in; and move away from the people and friends, who have been her closest companions, in the first phase of her life, if and when she chooses to get married. 

Along with all the other changes, that marriage eventually brings to her life; she has to also adapt to a new set of friends. She has to foster new friendships, with the people in her husband's world. She has to blend into a world, that has been existing for a long time, before she popped in; and get used to a completely new set of people, with all their quirks and idiosyncrasies. 

In most cases, she does this completely effortlessly; and within no time, the new friendships that she develops, are as strong as the ones she had before, in the place where she grew up.🤷🏻‍♀️

In a way, these changes in a woman's life are what make life interesting; because she gets an opportunity to befriend new people, and have two sets of friends that she can fall back on, in times of need. 

However, I couldn't stop myself from thinking that these changes in her life, are actually thanks to the 'norms laid down by culture and society'. Now, while there isn't a rule that she 'has' to follow all these norms, almost all women do; which accounts for the steady change of the women in my world.😔 

I know this is going to make me sound like a real feminist; but I can't help saying that these societal norms, are very unfair on women. Not just for the women, who have to move into their husband's world and accept his friends as her own, or make new friends of her own in his world; but also for women like me, who haven't made that choice as yet. 

Even for people like me, these 'norms' are just as hard to digest; and my ever-changing circle of female friends, bears witness to my loss. Of course, I do have a steady set of women friends at my work-place; but even that, is in danger of being snatched away from me, by the big bad wolf called marriage, whenever it does come knocking at my door.

There are solutions of course. I mean, it's not that every norm has to be followed; but this is just something that I've been thinking about, over the past few days. So I decided to put down my thoughts. 

I just wonder about how much 'my world' is going to constantly evolve and change over time. I wonder, whether I will also have to adapt to a new world, and a new set of people that I am not familiar with at all.🤔

At the same time, I am also glad to be blest with so many new pals, in the wives of my male friends. Of course, I really miss all the girls I used to call friends, who are now far away in different places, making their husband's world their own. No doubt the internet helps us to stay connected; but in some strange way, my world in incomplete without all of them in it.

HAPPY WOMEN'S DAY to all my women friends, both old and new. Enjoy life wherever you are today.🤗❤️

BABY BOOM!!! 👶

Is it just me or has there suddenly been a steep rise in the number of babies around these days? 🤔

Over the past year or so, I've suddenly realised that almost everywhere I go, I'm interacting with little kiddies. I guess the reason, is because many of my friends and cousins, have now started families of their own; and that accounts for me coming across babies, wherever I go. Whether it's among my colleagues at work, my cousins, my choir and among friends in general; babies seem to be the 'in-thing' at every turn.👶

Of course, this 'Baby Boom' does come with it's perks. When there's a baby around, you cannot help but Smile. Babies have this uncanny knack of bringing people together and spreading joy, just by being themselves. 

Their level of eloquence, may be nothing more than a babble, or words likes ga-ga, goo-goo, etc; but somehow, they are able to draw a larger audience, than even the most well-spoken speakers, you've ever heard. 

Everything they do is like front page news, even if they just wave, or smile, or utter a sound that makes absolutely no sense. A baby is the centre of attraction the moment he or she enters a room. All eyes are suddenly directed towards the tiny tot, and all work gets suspended, for as long as he's holding sway there. 

A person may be tired or exhausted from a long day's work, or may have a million things on his or her mind; but somehow, the little kid manages to banish all those blues away, just by his very presence. 

He's not a counsellor who gives you a listening ear, while you share your problems with him. He or she doesn't even give any advice, to help you out; and yet, he seems to alter the mood in a room, within seconds.😄

I wonder what makes babies so eternally attractive to us. They seem to have some magnetic power in them, that just draws us towards them. They seem to possess the ability to bring joy to the world around them, without even knowing it. I guess they could be called the 'biggest super-heroes of all time', because the power that they possess, is limitless and has no bounds; and more importantly, they can change the world.

I'm just happy, that I've been coming across so many new 'little persons', over the last few months. My life has become so much more beautiful, because of their presence in my life. My interaction with them lasts only for a few brief moments, every other day or week; but in that short time they brighten up my world, and I'm grateful for the little encounters I have with them.

I pray that all these little angels may grow up, to make their mommies and daddies proud of them. I hope they can become whatever they hope to be in life.For the moment though, I'm just glad they're a part of my life.✨️❤️

MUSIC AND ME ✨️🎶

A painter paints pictures on canvas, but musicians paint their pictures on silence. 🎨🎶

- Leopold Stokowski. 

It is truly amazing how music can fill one's life with so much Joy. It's just a few musical notes strung together, harmoniously bursting forth from a whole range of musical instruments; and yet, for those few moments, it can literally transport you into a different world. 

Music can actually set the mood. It can lift your spirits, when you're down in the dumps; and it can evoke beautiful memories of wonderful moments, spent in the company of those you Love. For me personally, Music has always been one thing, that fills my heart with tremendous Joy.😊💕

I just spent a lovely evening yesterday, enjoying some beautiful Broadway melodies, performed live by the Bombay Chamber Orchestra. I've been for a number of their concerts over the years, thanks to a couple of old friends, who've been part of the BCO for years; and I've enjoyed every single concert, that I've been to. 

This time, was no exception. It was a wonderful experience just being there,especially since another friend, was making his debut, playing the drums for the BCO at this concert. While it must have been nerve racking for him, trying his best not to play a wrong beat anywhere, it was wonderful for us to watch him, become part of this wonderful group of classically trained musicians, which has been around for 49 long years.✨️

The group includes both young and old, from school children to people who are well into their 80's, all brought together with one single vision - the Passion for Good Music. 

Collectively, this bunch of musical enthusiasts, are the heart of Mumbai's Western Classical music circuit, because they strive to keep it alive; despite the fact that almost all of them work full-time jobs, in various other professions. Music being a little more than just a hobby for them, they manage to find the time for rehearsals, despite their hectic schedules, and the routine they have to follow, on a daily basis. I really marvel at their dedication and the focus, with which they do what they love best.

There are a number of people who learn and play music for their personal pleasure; but those who play and perform music for others, are sharing their joy with so many others, who may have had the desire to play music, but have never really been able to pursue their love for music, by actually learning to play a musical instrument.❤️

When I look at myself, I realize that all through my life, I've been connected to 'Music' in some way or the other. I've sung in Church Choirs, for as long as I can remember. I remember singing my first solo in Church, on my First Holy Communion Day, when I was just in Class 3, and barely 8 or 9 years old. From there, began my journey of singing in Choirs. 

I guess I could credit my first Music Teacher, who taught me to read notes from a Music sheet, and then turn those notes into a beautiful melody on a keyboard; with introducing me to Choir Music. She was the one, who initiated me into a love for Liturgical music. 

At different stages of my life, I've sung in a number of Church choirs, Choirs at School and in College; and with each group, I've learnt something new. I've also had an opportunity to meet and interact with a number of musicians, many of whom, play a lot more than just Church Music; and each interaction, has only added to my knowledge and Love for Music.✨️

Over the years, I've also realised that my Love for Music, has unconsciously been a very strong factor, in my choice of friends as well. A large number of my friends, right through my school and college years, and even today; are people who either sing or play some musical instrument or the other. I don't think I ever went looking for these friends though. I guess, it just happened, that the Music brought us together and made us Friends. 

This extensive list of friends, includes those who've sung for pleasure, those who sing because it's a passion, friends from college who've combined their singing talent with their amazing stage presence and been part of a number of acapella groups, friends who compose, create and direct music, and even friends whose music has been recorded and sold. While a few of these friends have gone on to win acclaim and recognition, even Internationally; most of them continue to make music or sing, simply because it brings them Joy.😊🎶

As a result of my interaction with Musicians of all kinds over the years, I've also found that the choice of genres of' music that I enjoy, spans a very wide range - from classical to non-classical, Western to Indian, soft instrumental to folk music, musicals to acapella, jazz to church music and occasionally Hindi pop music as well.

When people ask me, what kind of music I like or who my favourite singer is, I always find myself without a ready answer. I think the reason is simply because, I like so many different kinds of music, that it's difficult to actually pick and choose which one I like more than others. So, it's safer to say, I just love Good Music.🤷🏻‍♀️

The only regret I have though, is that I didn't really pursue the Musical Instrument, that I set out to learn to play, for too many years after I finished school. The desire still exists; but I guess the determination to sit down and practise, is something that needs to be worked on constantly. 

Thankfully, the fact that I still sing in a Choir, has kept me connected with reading music till today; and I sometimes console myself by saying, that as long as I can still read music, I will be able to get back to playing music, whenever I choose to.😊

I'm grateful that I can always hum a tune when I'm happy, and I'm happier still, that God has blest me with so many friends over the years, who share my Love for Music, and whose Passion for Music, has been even stronger than my Love for it.❤️

While many of my musically inclined friends are separated by time and space today, I hope and pray that they are continuing to do what they love best. Hopefully someday, we will sing together again. Maybe sometime in the future, I may be able to Sing to your tunes, or you may be able to sing Lyrics that I have written; but for the moment, may we all continue to fill the world with Music, wherever we may be.✨️🎶

P.S...In case some of my old college friends happen to look at this post, I really miss hearing you all sing and watching you perform. Just writing this post, brought back a lot of old memories, from days gone by.🤗

   

ROLE -MODELS FOR OUR GENERATION 🏏

Dreams do come true!!! For some like Sachin Tendulkar, it takes all of 22 years to become a reality; but eventually, the long and seemingly endless wait, bore fruit. For others, the wait might not seem like one at all, as in the case of Virat Kohli, who played his first ever World Cup and reaped rich dividends almost instantaneously. 

Over the last weekend, when the enthusiasm of almost every Indian rose to a fever pitch, as India won that elusive 'World Cup' after 28 long years, I joined in the revelry as well, in my own small way. I was overjoyed too. The excitement was thoroughly contagious; and it managed to rub off, even on the most confirmed cynic of the game of cricket.🏏

I've always loved the game though, and am proud to say that I've stood by the Men in Blue, even at times when they were down in the dumps and ridiculed by the world at large, for not performing well-enough. So, this win was a truly stupendous moment, and one that I will cherish forever in my memory. 

Although I was around way back in 1983, I was only about 4 years old then; and so I don't even have a faint recollection, of that momentous occasion. So, for me this World Cup win, is the first one that I will be able to remember, for a long time to come. It's a story I will be able to tell my grand-children some day, cause I was here when it happened.😊

There were a number of special moments in this World Cup, and a number of people who made this event something to remember, for a long, long time; but I'd like to write about two special people that I'm really, really happy for and proud of. When I think of this World Cup win some years down the road, the faces of these two individuals, is what will stay with me.

The first one of course, is Sachin Tendulkar. While it was his dream to hold that Cup one day; and his entire team worked so hard, in order to make that dream of his a reality, it was also a desire in my heart, to see Sachin conquer that one final summit, in the game of cricket, that had eluded him even after 6 World Cups.

Like scores of others, I too have always admired the 'Little Master' for his dedication and perseverance. He has a steely resolve and an undying spirit in him, that just refuses to give way. I admire the way he just gets better and better as the years go by, maturing like wine into the best you've ever tasted. It's been 22 years and he still seems to possess the energy and the determination to keep going for a few years more. 

Already into my 30's, I sometimes feel the strain of life catching up with me; but Sachin somehow manages to overcome every hurdle along his path. He truly is an 'Inspiration', to the world at large; and I'm proud to say, I was born in the same generation as him, and lived when he walked the face of the earth. Men like him are born just once in a lifetime; and I'm glad I've been around, to witness his various achievements.🌟

Without doubt, the second person I was really proud of, was our 'Captain Cool' - Mahendra Singh Dhoni or 'Mahi', as he is often lovingly referred to. His composure on the field, has been spoken of by many. His tactical decisions and his straightforward approach, have also been applauded by one and all. 

Over and above all of these qualities though, what stood out for me about MSD was his humility. His ability and willingness to take a back seat, is what had been most commendable. Right through the tournament, he led from the front; but when it was time to bask and revel in the glory, he didn't hog the limelight all by himself. Instead, one had to struggle to find Dhoni in the images in the newspaper, the day after the historic win. He just blended into the background so effortlessly; and so, what we saw was 'Team India', and not just the Captain who led the team.👏👏👏

I think that was the most outstanding mark of his 'Leadership'. I admire a Leader like him who can be Humble, even in the face of adulation of this proportion. To be able to stand his ground and not get carried away in the moment, is something that I am so proud of him for. I hope that MSD will continue to be as humble as he was in those winning moments always, because it is that one quality of his, that has made him rise up even higher in people's estimation.👍

The World Cup is now over; but those proud and joyous moments will live on. I may never meet Sachin or Dhoni in my life-time. My acquaintance with them, may just be restricted to the images I see of them on the T.V. screen, every time they step onto the field; but these two men, have left an indelible mark on my heart. 

More than their ability and mastery of the Sport itself, it is their 'human qualities' that have touched me and appealed to me. I pray that they may always be blest in all that they do.✨️💕

I CRY BECAUSE I CARE 😢

I didn't teach you to disobey,
Still you choose to ignore all I have to say.
I didn't show you how to cheat,
Still you persistently go astray.
I didn't put those words onto your tongue,
Still you utter profanity day after day.
I didn't display a lack of respect for you,
Still your manners are heading towards absolute decay.

I've always tried to teach by example,
Yet my actions couldn't fulfill their aim.
I've always endeavoured to practice what I preach,
Yet your behaviour generates nothing but shame.
I've always worked towards doing my best for you,
Yet the way you've turned out, makes me feel so lame.
I've always striven hard, to show you the right way to go,
Yet thru' your antics, you seldom uphold my name.

To me it seems like you just don't care,
My deep anguish is slowly turning to despair.
I've always loved you from the depths of my heart,
It now seems to have been, a waste of time from the start.

I ache with pain from my very core,
As years go by, I dread to imagine what's in store.
Times are a-changing at such a rapid pace,
Values slowly vanishing, soon to be gone without a trace.😢✍️

HANDS THAT HEAL 🙏

For some weeks now, I have been pondering on the role and importance of 'health-care professionals' in our lives. Doctors, nurses and hospital staff in general - most of us pray and wish we will never need to associate with this group of people too often. Other than the fact that associating with them for too long, makes an extremely large hole in our pockets these days, most of us also often wish that our good health, will not require us to pay frequent visits to the 'sick room'.

Over the past year or so, I've had the opportunity of encountering and associating with a number of health-care professionals, at close quarters. Although, I would have liked life to have turned out differently; I've had experiences this year, when I've had to come face-to face with situations, where I couldn't have done without docs, nurses and the other hospital staff. 

I've spent time in 3-4 different hospitals and nursing homes, from very small ones to extremely large ones. I've also observed their day to day activities, from extremely close quarters. So, my observations here are based not on hearsay, but on practical experience.

Before I say any more, I'd first like to say, I really salute every single person, who willingly chooses to become a health-care professional. The simple reason for that is because I think it is truly a 'calling'. 

It's not like any other profession where you go to work, do your job and go back home every day. Instead, it's a profession that involves being on your toes, being alert, being ready to step in when required, being a person with a ready smile, even when you're not doing so well yourself, being level-headed, being concerned and also having a very strong presence of mind, literally 24/7. It's the one profession where even family,friends, enjoyment, special occasions,etc. come second to what needs to be done at a particular moment.

Now I know, there will be cynics and pessimists who would say, "With the amount they charge these days, they have to provide services accordingly". I have also heard people grumbling to glory, about doctors and nurses, and their insensitivity. 

I know that most of us associate hospitals with 'giant-size bills', and crib about the fact that most hospitals these days, follow the principle of 'Pay first - Services later'. A number of times, I myself, have been the first one to point out, these very same flaws in the system. 

However, my first hand observations, have led me to change a few of my initial, half-baked perceptions, which I now know were based on, me looking at the situation from the perspective of an 'outsider'. I find that I have now become less critical, of the way things function in a hospital, and very grateful to all those who work in this field, for offering themselves to be of service to the world at large.

Here are some of my observations: 

'So much money, for just a short consultation;and only a few minutes of the doc's time; or for just a passing 'doctor's visit' to the room, pre or post a surgery, when admitted in hospital'.

That's something most of us crib about. A Doc may charge between 500 and 700 rupees for a 10 minute consultation. Even if you check your hospital bills, the doctor's routine visits to the room, also feature on it sometimes, in bigger hospitals; and it's often, not a very small amount. 

It seems a tad too much: but I guess docs have their reasons, for charging the way they do. Have we ever tried asking one of them why they charge that much? Maybe a straightforward question, would give us a straightforward answer. 

For a moment though, if we keep that thought aside; and think about the doc himself. Have we ever stopped to think about, how many operations he has done, before coming to his clinic that morning? Do we know whether the patient he has just operated on, has survived or passed away? 🤔

We're quick to criticize him/her at the slightest offence, but do we know whether he/she has found the time or remembered to even eat his/her lunch? Sunday is a day of rest for most of us; but have we ever thought about how docs have to drop everything they are doing, and rush to save a life in an emergency situation, even on a Sunday or a holiday?

When it comes to nurses, criticism is always very high on the list. However, I find that most of them, do their jobs with a lot of sincerity and dedication. Considering that it is a job where they cannot afford to make any mistake whatsoever; and have to keep track of so many different patients at the same time, without any scope for error, I think they do their very best.

The shift system that they work in, is also one that invovles a lot of attention, because they have to ensure that they read the charts well, and do not repeat or forget to administer the medication to a particular patient, according to what the nurse in the previous shift has done.

If we think about how a patient is constantly monitored for 24 hours, despite the fact that there have been 2-3 nurses looking after them, as their shifts have changed, one can only admire the precision, with which they do they jobs. 

Most people notice their occasional lack of concern and a few harsh words, that they may say to us, and brand them as being 'useless' or 'horrible'. Those are the most common words I've heard people use, when talking about nurses; but on closer observation, one will realise how much they have to keep in mind and be aware of, at all times; due to which they may not always have the time, to exchange pleasantries and for sweet talk.

Occasional lapses and oversights may happen, but who doesn't make mistakes. It's true that a mistake in a hospital, could cost someone dearly; but I don't think we need to brand them as being 'incapable' because of that, because on the whole, I'm sure they do their jobs pretty well. 

It's very easy to comment about what doesn't happen, or what they don't do well, when we're on the outside; but spending a few days on the inside, makes you see the innumerable things that they do, and that they do pretty well, I must add. It makes you see things from their point of view.

Finally, when we talk about expenses, we always wonder, why it has to cost so much and why hospitals bother more about their money, than attending to the patient. 

I guess, my experiences in a number of hospitals this year, have also given me a sense of clarity, on why that needs to be the way it is. I was in a situation where an emergency I.C.U.admission would be done on a Sunday evening, only if a very large payment was made before hand. 

Obviously, in an emergency situation, the money which you may have in your bank account, isn't readily accessible; especially when it is an exceedingly large amount. In that situation, it was only natural to grumble, about the way things function, and giving the person on the counter a earful, about how hospitals have become totally commercialised these days, and do not bother about human beings.

In retrospect though, I've realised that just as we expect them to understand our situation, we also need to understand their plight. They need to run the hospital, and they can't run it if bills aren't paid. It wouldn't really be easy for them to keep track of, and run after the relatives of patients at a later stage; because in a big hospital, that isn't really practical. Collecting the admission amount at the time of admission therefore, is an absolute necessity; and I guess those of us who avail of hospital services, need to realise, that it's not a money-making racket, it's just 'procedure'. It's just a way of keeping things systematic.🤷🏻‍♀️

In this context, I'd also like to mention my encounter with a doctor, who owns a small nursing home, who didn't charge a penny, till about a week after we'd left his hospital, and got tranferred to a larger hospital, in an 'Emergency situation'. We didn't even receive a call, asking us to make the payment, till we ourselves went to clear the bill, about a week after my Dad passed away; which I thought was extremely considerate on their part.

I guess when it's a smaller hospital, there is scope for more understanding and trust, between doctor and patient; which practically speaking, is a little difficult in a larger hospital, with a larger number of patients.

I'd like to end by saying that 'Gratitude' is a very important virtue in life; and more so, when we are dealing with people, who help us stay fit and healthy. Whether one has had a speedy recovery, or an unpleasant stay in a hospital, I think that we need to always express a word of thanks, to all those who work in this profession, at every chance we get. 

I still remember the expressions on the faces of the docs in the I.C.U. when I said 'Thank-You' to them. They were probably stunned, that I remembered to thank them, in the midst of a tragic situation. They also probably found the use of the words 'Thank-You', slightly inappropriate in the given situation. 

However, I think it was necessary for me to say it to them at that moment, because I never met those docs again after that day, and if I hadn't thanked them then, I would never have had a chance to appreciate them, for all the effort they'd put in, to try and make things better. They were unsuccessful in that instance no doubt, but that doesn't mean, they didn't do the best that they could.

In conclusion then, I'd just like to express my heartfelt gratitude to 'health-care professionals' everywhere.I pray and ask God to bless these 'HANDS THAT HEAL' abundantly, so that they may always continue the good work that they do; and that they may receive grace and strength, to do what they do, with dedication, sincerity and above all 'HEART'.🙏❤️

DIARY OF A TEACHER IN DISTRESS ✍️

Have been wanting to post for a very long time; but couldn't think of what to write about. A couple of my students who are regular readers of this blog, keep coaxing me to post; but I've been buried under so much of work over the past few months, both at school and at home, that the thoughts just weren't putting themselves together. Everytime I thought I'd post, I reached a dead-end. What do I write about? Who do I write about? Nothing seemed interesting enough to put into words.

After a lot of deliberation, I finally decided to put down a few thoughts, on something that's been troubling me incessantly, over the past few months. This is going to sound more like me venting out, a lot of pent up feelings and emotions. Come to think of it, these feelings haven't really been pent up, because I've been voicing my displeasure, at every given opportunity, over the past few months. 

I never thought I'd say this, but the ones who've been the main cause of my anxiety, are actually 'My Students'. I know I've always referred to them as 'My reason to smile'; but sadly this year, I've had a series of experiences, which have been responsible for an almost complete disappearance, of that very characteristic smile, that I've always been known for. 

This may come as a rude shock, to many of my past-students; but I actually think I've been smiling a lot lesser this year, than ever before. Could go into 'Ripley's believe it or not', couldn't it?🤔

Have just been looking back on the last few months and trying to figure out, what has gone wrong this year. I'm into my 7th year as a teacher; and so far, it's always been a pleasure to go to work. The work-load, the pressure, the deadlines, the corrections - they are a real handful no doubt; but they never really bothered me so much, because in the midst of all that work, there were always a few little fellows around, with a ready smile, which made me forget that work was taking a toll on me.

The younger boys always looked up to me with wonder, as I tried to stimulate their minds and take them into imaginary worlds, that they hadn't been to before. 

To the older boys, I was like a big sis and a friend, with whom they could always share their thoughts and feelings. 

With the X Std students especially, I have always shared a very close bond every year. I've tried to be a confidant, a guide, a friend, a mentor, a role-model and so much more. 

All through these years, this arrangement seemed to work magically well. As a teacher, I always had so much to share; and my students were always open, to imbibe much more.

Then June'2010 dawned on us; and all of a sudden, everything that was magical and beautiful about this profession, that I love so much, just seemed to vanish completely. 

My colleagues and me, have encountered what we often refer to, as 'one of the toughest X Std batches ever'. They'd been a difficult set of guys in Class 9 itself; but things kind of spiralled out of control, once they stepped foot into Class 10.

Right from the very beginning, they seem to have had only one agenda. "It's our last year in school. So, let's have fun." If that so called 'good-time' comes at the cost of the teacher's distress, it didn't really matter. It seemed to be completely irrelevant to them. They chose to be totally oblivious to the fact; that we, their teachers, have been so troubled over the past few months, due to the way in which they've been conducting themselves, both in and out of the classroom.

...and that is one of the primary reasons for my distress this year. As hard as I try, I just can't seem to create the same 'Rapport' that I shared with my students, only a year ago. 

These students give me the impression, that no matter what I say, it doesn't really matter to them. My words are completely immaterial. My thoughts have no real significance, in their lives. I have so much that I want to share with them, but they just don't seem to care; not for the effort, not for the trouble taken for their sakes, not for the lost-smile (which would have been a major cause for concern, with any of my ex-students.) Nothing I say or do, seems to be worth their attention or time. I seem to have been reduced to a mere 'fly', buzzing around their heads for a few minutes every day, and they choose to just wave me away with a flick of their wrists.😔

As a result of this complete disregard for anything I say or do; in the past few months, I've gone through feelings of self-doubt, utter frustration, terrible dejection and a host of very negative emotions, which previously never came a-knocking at my door. I've tried every trick in the book to get them to realize, that I have something worthwhile to give them; but they invaribly reduce my hard-work, to a snigger or a guffaw, which can be terribly 'demoralizing'.

For a teacher, nothing can be worse than not being able to 'reach' her students. My hardest struggle this year, has been my inability to build up and create that same rapport, that I shared with students in all the years that have gone by. 

I wouldn't say that I'm disillusioned; but my belief in my ability as a teacher has definitely received a severe jolt this year. I know I haven't compromised on my teaching. I know I always give in more than my best. I know that I never go to class unprepared. Despite all that, I'm bordering on a gradual loss of optimism, which is a completely new world for me.😢

Maybe it's just this one batch, and in a few months, my ordeal will have ended; but in the months that remain, the road ahead seems uphill and the terrain extremely rocky.

I pray for strength to tide through the final few months of this journey. I pray that I may not be disillusioned by all that I have to deal with. I ask that my boys may be blest with wisdom, to know that there's a time and place for everything. I pray for courage to keep going despite the pitfalls. ✍️

WHEN EDUCATION BECOMES A JOKE 🤔

Just a few days ago, the S.S.C. results were declared. The initial reaction was obvious - Jubilation and a tremendous sense of joy, because almost everyone seemed to have scored marks, way beyond their expectations. The cases of disappointment were probably one in a million. In those moments of exhilaration, I also joined in the celebrations and stuffed myself with all the 'pedas', that were free-flowing this year.

It didn't take me very long though, to sit back and evaluate the situation. Within a few hours, I realised that this joy, wasn't limited to just my school. It was a common feeling in every school across the city, and probably the State as well.

The newspapers the next day, provided the statistics of doom, that were a complete shocker. A 2% improvement in the pass percentage. 

Why would anyone frown upon that? Only a cynic or someone out of their mind, would find anything wrong with what had happened. Believing that they'd worked wonders, the authorities were probably sitting back and relaxing, thinking they'd achieved something significant; because there were no cases of suicide reported, the helplines were unusually silent and almost everyone seemed to be over the moon with happiness.

The reality however, will soon dawn on all those who're at the receiving end of those unbelievable marks, namely the students. Their untainted joy will soon bear the blemish of uncertainty. 

I really feel for my students who think they've done so well, and achieved a real milestone. The State says there are enough seats and more in colleges, and no one will be left stranded. Of course, anyone with the ability to use rational thinking and logical reasoning would be able to reach the conclusion, that securing a seat in a "good" college, will be next to impossible, even for those thousands in the city, who've scored above 90% marks. They will have to settle for a seat in a mediocre college, which does not offer the best facilities and without the best faculty, despite the fact that they have the marks and deserve to be there.

The Department of Education probably thinks, that they've worked a miracle; but the reality of this debacle, will soon raise its ugly head and be there for all to see.

There is some light at the end of this dark tunnel though; and that is the Judiciary of this country. If they use their discretion and judge wisely, the foolishness that has been displayed in the declaration of these results and in the use of the 'Best 5' system, can be turned on it's head, and some kind of normalcy could return to this utterly chaotic and crazy situation.

One of my ex-students told me something in a casual conversation, a couple of days ago. He said, "Miss, shouldn't the Board be improving the system of Education and Exams, and bringing that on par with the other Boards, instead of just blindly doling out marks." 

I couldn't agree with him more. There are probably a number of ways, in which the different Boards could be brought on par with one another, to make sure that there are no differences, when it comes to admissions, and so that no one lags behind; but this system is definitely not the right way to do it.

As a facilitator of Education and a part of the system myself, this is just my two pence on the issue. I wonder if my point of view would have many takers in the Education Department though!!! 🤔

PROCRASTINATION : A COMPULSIVE HABIT ✍️

For a long time now, I've been meaning to update my blog. I mean it has been almost 3 months, since my last post; but despite having loads of free time at my disposal, I've kept saying, "I'll do it later". Somehow, over a period of time, I've got habituated to saying this. In the process, it has kind of become something, that I can't rid myself of. 

What makes matters worse, is that this habit of procrastinating and putting things off for later, has got so engrained in my system, that now I don't even think twice about it. This is probably one of the worst habits I've developed in my life; and one that I'm not very proud of.🤷🏻‍♀️

'Do not put off until tomorrow what can be done today'. 'Kaal kare so aaj kar, Aaj kare so ab'. 

I guess every language would have a whole list of proverbial sayings, that urge us not to procrastinate and put off things, which we must do now, for a later date. These are things we hear time and again from our parents and teachers, as we're growing up. How often we really follow these principles in our daily lives, is another matter completely.🤔

There's one thing that I've noticed in my own life. Very often, when I put things off for later, the job never gets done at all. Sometimes, it remains pending for so long, that after a period of time, I completely forget about it, and it just stays there - a job half-done, unfinished, incomplete. 

If the task remaining incomplete, doesn't really have major repurcussions on my work or isn't that important, it just remains in that state of 'partial completion' for a long, long time, which obviously provokes sharp criticism and censure from my mother, who constantly tries to keep this compulsive habit of mine in check.👵

I guess, landing up in situations like that occasionally, is not that much of a problem. I mean in the fast paced world that we live in, with all the deadlines and stress that goes along with it, there are bound to be things which are of secondary importance, which get relegated to last place, when we are chalking out our schedules. 

There would obviously not be sufficient time to complete seemingly inconsequential little tasks, and in the process, a few things would most certainly remain pending. A result of procrastination, yes; but it's something that we almost always conveniently attribute to the fact, that we were too busy; and then, rationalize things by saying, that it wasn't that important anyway.😉

When the things we put off for later, aren't that inconsequential though, that's when it gives us 'a wake-up call'.😔

Recently, I went through an experience, which made me sit up and evaluate my actions. A good friend of mine from college, had been sick and in hospital, for almost 6 months. I'd known of his illness and the seriousness of his condition, for almost 4 or 5 months. 

Each time, I thought of him, I kept telling myself, "I have to make the time to go and see him in hospital", and every time, there was always a reason, to postpone my visit. School work, corrections, other engagements; and the list of reasons went on. The desire to meet him was always there; but somehow there was no cure for my habit, to put things off for later.

Last week, he finally had a heart attack and passed away. A lively, chirpy life that had only seen 28 summers, came to a sudden end. 

On the morning of the day that he passed away, I asked myself one more time. "I still haven't gone to see him. I should go some time this week. I'm free from work now. This is the best time to go." Unfortunately, the best time to go never came, because later that afternoon, he passed away.😢

A couple of days later, I finally made it to see him. Unfortunately, all I got to see of him, was his lifeless body lying in a coffin, at his funeral. This wasn't the way, I had intended to see him. I didn't get a chance to hear his voice, or to see his bright smile. I missed out on the opportunity of talking to him; and letting him know, that I was praying for him to get better. 

I realised on that day, that sometimes postponing and deferring things for later; can put you in a situation where you miss out on things that are really, really important.

Of course, like every 'bad habit' that we develop in life, there's only one way to do away with it. Throw off that lethargy and just get down to business. Instead of saying, "I'll get to it when I find the time"; I guess, the easiest way to break this compulsive habit would be to just start doing the task at hand, right then and there. 

Of course, this is easier said than done. Breaking a bad habit is one of the toughest tasks, that human beings ever have to deal with. 

Now, if only I could instill that 'will power and determination' in myself, and begin every task, with the intention of going through with it, till it's done; and with no commas and semi-colons along the way, I think I would be a more organised individual, and my mother would definitely be a happier person. ✍️

THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR 😊💕

Just about a week ago, I experienced something that I'd never been through before. The sudden disappearance of a very close friend, completely took me by surprise. During the period when desperate attempts were being made to locate him, a whole gamut of emotions were playing havoc with my mind and heart. 

Along with the anxiety, there was the fear of the unknown. There was a tremendous sense of loss, there were feelings of uncertainty, and an overpowering sense of pain. His family and friends kept fearing the worst, but hoping for the best. The lack of definite bad news, constantly gave us hope, that there might be good news in store.

Three days later, his family managed to zero in on his location; and he was brought home. The fact that he was alive and well, was like music to our ears, because we had been longing for some news about his whereabouts for so long. 

The endless waiting during those three days, had been excruciating. I am only a friend, and I found it so difficult to bear the fact that he couldn't be traced. When I think of what his family must have experienced during those moments, it really makes me shudder.😔

When we finally received news that he had been found, I was completely overjoyed. Just the news that he was okay, made me feel like a huge weight was lifted off my heart.

It's been a week now, but I still haven't been able to meet this friend of mine; as he's still recovering from the experience. The joy in my heart though, just knowing that he's well, is indescribable. 

When I think about it, I just begin to wonder, at how some people become our friends sometimes. Till about 6 years ago, I didn't even know, that this person existed on the planet. We haven't been friends for very long; and yet, when he couldn't be found for those three days, I was so troubled. My mind was pre-occupied with thoughts of him, and I couldn't rest in peace, till he had finally been found. I realised, that friendships develop just like that.

Sometimes, in the shortest span of time, a person becomes really dear to you, and the reasons for this are inexplicable. 

In this short time that we've known one another, we've had some fun times, singing together in our choir and at our various outings and parties. We've shared a lot of laughs together, and sung a lot of songs as well. We've listened to endless stories of old times in Calcutta; and about his immense and deep love for music. We've been amazed, watching how talented he is in music; and we've been so proud, to call a little genious like him, our friend. Through every single one of these experiences, we've also grown as friends and our friendship has become special, with every passing day.

Of course, one underlying and deeply painful thought that this incident brings to mind, is the fact that so often, we know so little, about what our closest friends are actually going through in life. At so many times, we may have a faint inkling, that things aren't going too well, with a particular friend; but we can never fully fathom the depth of feelings, that are stirring up inside the minds of our friends, unless they open up a little, and share their life with us. 

An experience like this, made me wish I'd spoken or called more often, or that I'd been more of a friend; but then again, I wonder how much I would have really discovered, even if I had been around for my friend. After all, I would have known, only as much as my friend wanted me to know about his life.

All of us have things, that we don't talk about with everyone. Sometimes, we don't even share certain things, with our closest friends. In moments of crisis, our friends are always there to support us; and yet, we don't always reveal the deepest sentiments of our heart, to them.

Why is it that we human beings, prefer to keep things to ourselves so often? Even though we know that sorrow can be reduced greatly, when shared with a friend; why is it, that we prefer to bottle up our emotions? So many moments of depression and temporary loss of sanity, can be easily avoided, if we only find a friend we can talk to about our problems. Despite the fact that we know these things, why do we still try to be brave and face our problems on our own?🤔

I don't know what my friend was actually going through. I don't know whether I could have really been of any assistance, even if I did know. What I do know though is that henceforth, I'm going to try and be a better friend. I know that as a friend I will always be around a little more. I'm going to try and lend a listening ear, if there's ever a need for it...Maybe my friend may still not pour out his heart to me; but I'm going to make sure that I'm there, cause in the whole scheme of things, that's exactly what friends are for.💕

Thank You Lord for bringing my friend home safe and sound and for protecting him from every harm and danger. I pray that he may recover emotionally and psychologically, from this experience, as soon as possible; and that he may get back to being his bubbly little self once again, as soon as possible. Bless him abundantly in every possible way, and may he always know that he has a large number of friends, who love him very dearly and who want nothing more, than to see him happy.😊

WHAT IS THIS LIFE, SO FULL OF CARE? ✍️

How often have you heard the words, "I'm completely stressed out?" Much too often these days, don't you think? Almost every person we know, seems to be undergoing some kind of stressful situation or another. For a lot of people, the pressure at work seems to be a primary cause of stress, for others, tensions within the family and relationships seem to be a cause of concern. For still others, health related problems seem to be weighing them down completely. All in all, the fast paced over-competitive world we live in, seems to be taking it's toll on every single one of us; and we are definitely paying the price, for trying to fit in.

Those of you, who frequent this part of cyberspace occasionally, would have noticed my absence for a while. The reasons why I suddenly seem to have vanished, could be aptly described by saying, that I too have been completely stressed out and am one of the latest victims of this dreaded modern phenomenon. 

I tried really hard, not to allow the pressures of life to get to me; but like it happens so often, 'the spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak'.

Although I was trying my utmost, to let life get back on track, after an unexpected and fairly sudden loss of a loved one; I kept receiving reminders, that we can't just get on with life, without taking the time to rest and recover.

What I've realised in the process, is that so often we over-estimate the capacity of our body, to withstand an avalanche of successive stressful events, in our lives. We think we are capable of facing anything and everything, no matter how grave and severe it may be. In reality however, physically, we may not be as strong as we think we are.

My experiences over the past month or so, have shown me how important rest and relaxation really are, in this fast-paced world we live in. When we choose to disregard the warning signs our body gives us, it manifests itself in so many unimaginable ways. 

The most obvious beneficiaries in this entire situation though, are the doctors, who are ensured a steady flow of stressed out individuals, thanks to the fast-paced world we live in. Ironically, the large amounts of money that one has to shell out, to cover medical expenses these days, is also a significant cause of stress. So strangely, the stress-buster, has partially ended up becoming the generator of stress as well.

For me personally, stress was a result of deep personal loss, a tremendous amount of anxiety, cartloads of never-ending work and an underlying sense of worry, at not being able to fathom, why so many things were going wrong at one and the same time. 

What added to it was the fact, that one thing led to another, without any breathing space in between. Before I could recover from one thing, the second situation was already upon me in a flash, which undoubtedly aggravated an already delicate situation.

A lot of people consider stress, to be a pre-requisite and a necessity, to ensure that one performs to his optimum capacity; because it constantly keeps a person on his toes and doesn't leave any room, for slackness of any kind to seep in. Then again, when it begins to tell on your health, it should definitely act as a wake up call; because that's our body telling us that it has had enough, and we need to slow down, before there is a complete physical or emotional breakdown.

I'm glad I was able to recognise these warning signs at the right time, and act accordingly. With timely medical help and a reasonable amount of rest, I gradually seem to be getting back to normal. I just hope and pray that such health breakdowns do not happen too often, because it sure does affect one's ability to give one's best in every sphere of life. Not to mention, the continuous upheaval of emotions, that completely wreck havoc on one's day to day functioning. 

Truthfully, visiting doctors on a regular basis is not one of my favourite things; but much against my will, I've had to pay a visit to them quite frequently of late. I pray that the 'Doc of all Docs', will finally take hold of the reins of my life, so that things will gradually get back on track; and I can look forward to a better and brighter 2010, in the months ahead. ✍️

I WANDERED LONELY AS A CLOUD...✍️

It's a normal day. I wake up and go to school, like every other day. I enjoy teaching all morning. I spend the day talking to and spending time with my boys at school. 

The first part of the day, passes by really quickly. I jabber all day long with my boys and my colleagues, to my hearts content. We discuss every possible thing there is to talk about, and the day just breezes past, in the twinkling of an eye. 

I've realised that right through the morning, I am truly and genuinely happy. I am happy to be me. I am happy to work in the place that I do. I am happy to be able to share so much of my life, with everyone in school.😊

Before too long though, it's time to come home, and contrary to what everyone else thinks of 'Home' as, I would much rather spend the whole day at school, rather than coming home.

That's simply because 'Home' for me, equals solitude and peace; which I often feel I can do without. Home is a place, where I get a chance to spend time with myself, (which anyone else would long for, more than anything else).

Strangely, I would much rather prefer, spending time in the company of my boys at school, rather than lying around at home by myself, reflecting and contemplating. 

'Home', somehow doesn't make me as happy as it should. In fact, I find that my feelings go in a completely different direction, as the day progresses, and comes to an end. I become quieter and more reticent. I withdraw into myself and the bubbly 'me', that the whole world is used to, gradually disappears. I somehow seem to become a more grumpy person, when I'm at home; and the trademark smile, that brings joy to so many all day long, slowly goes into hiding.😔

It's often said, 'Home is where the heart is'. For me though, I guess things are the other way around. My 'School' is where my heart finds rest and peace and solitude; and the thought of home, fills me with a tremendous sense of isolation. 

It's strange but true. Home doesn't fill me, with as much joy as it should. It is not the best place to come back to, at the end of the day. 

Of course, this is not because my home is not a happy place. My parents are always there to talk to, and the T.V. and the computer are my constant companions, for the rest of the day. I also resort to that tiny little gadget called a cell phone, when I need to rid myself, of the lack of conversation. 

However, 'Home' somehow fills me with a lingering sense of 'Loneliness'. In those moments that I spend by myself, I keep feeling a sense of 'complete emptiness and utter dejection'. The second half of my day is a complete contrast to the first; as my world transforms itself, from a noisy chaos, to an absolute calmness.

I know it's often said, that if you keep yourself occupied, you'll never have time to be lonely. If you're always doing something with your time, you won't have any free time to worry about being all alone. 

According to me though, even if you're constantly occupied, there are always going to be some moments, when you are by yourself, with nothing to do. Even those few moments are enough to make you realize that this isn't the way life should be.

I often discuss the issue of the need for parents to have at least 2 kids, with my colleagues at work. At most times, I find myself the 'sole spokesperson' for this cause. Most people don't think it's really a necessity to have 2 kids these days. Most of them feel that 'friends', can make up for the lack of a sibling in one's life. 

From my own experience, of living practically 20 years of my life, without a sibling; I know for a fact, that friends or even your extended family, cannot make up for 'your own brother or sister'. 

Over the years, I've been blest with an innumerable amount of friends, many of whom are very special and dear to me. I have an extended family, that loves me tremendously. In the last 6 years, I've also been blest with a new family - my boys and colleagues at school, who make up 'My Entire World' at the moment.

...And yet, despite all that, I feel the way I do, when I'm by myself.

The reason for that is simple - Friends, Family, Colleagues, Students are all a very important part of my life and my world; but at the end of the day, 'I CAN'T TAKE THEM HOME WITH ME'. When the day draws to a close, I have to leave them all behind, and withdraw into that lonely space we all call 'Home'.😢

I wonder sometimes, am I Ungrateful? After being blest with so many dear friends, loving students and people in my life, who love me so much; am I wrong, to keep harping on the one thing that I don't have, time and again? Is it right, to keep wallowing in these feelings so often? 

There are so many, who aren't as blest as I am in so many ways...

Maybe I am wrong or maybe, I'm just 'Human'. In my human need for society, I just can't help longing for 'Companionship'.

I guess, it's this tremendous fear of loneliness, and the inability to live all alone for very long, that makes 'solitary confinement' such a powerful weapon, in the hands of law keepers, to help bring the very serious offenders to book. Being alone, truly is the worst way for a person to live his life. 

I only hope and pray that God helps me find a way to deal with my moments of loneliness, so that 'Home', will be a happier place to come back to, in future.✨️✍️